Procrastination
by Newromantic
Summary: Okay, to be honest - it's just blatant ship. No real storyline. I did try, but I got bored. Sorry. Finally Complete! YAY!
1. Heat

Disclaimer: Not mine...don't own anything...yadda...  
  
Authors Note: Oookkkaaaayyy, uh, not really sure where I'm going with this one, but then I rarely know what the hell is going on anyway. Still, I do get the *distinct* impression it's gonna be pretty much S&J shippy stuff. Oh, and Daniel's gonna get a little naked 'cause I promised Dena...   
  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 1: Heat  
  
The sun beat down relentlessly on SG1 as they slowly walked the six miles back to the Stargate. Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF lead the weary troops across yet another sand dune, his weathered but still undeniably handsome face set in a grimace, feet practically stomping in stoic determination on the unyielding golden sand.   
  
Major Samantha Carter was, as ever, close behind her Commanding Officer, treading carefully in the imprints left by his somewhat larger feet (through sheer boredom) as she reached tiredly for her canteen. Stopping to take a long drink of the cool water, she took a moment to look around her whilst simultaneously wishing to any Gods currently sans snake that the Stargate be miraculously moved five miles closer to their position.  
  
After thoroughly scanning their surroundings, she sighed in defeat and resumed her steady pace.   
  
Doctor Daniel Jackson brought up the rear in this little trio, struggling in irritation under the weight of his pack. Teal'c, their alien cohort had been lucky enough to escape this torturous planet by pleading compassionate leave after being informed that his son Ry'ac had been wounded during one of Bray'tac's many, dangerous, training sessions. Despite being assured that Ry'ac was healing nicely, thanks to his symbiote, Teal'c had insisted he leave as quickly as possible.  
  
What the hell had possessed them to come to such a place? Daniel asked himself as he tried in futility to heave the weight of his pack from one shoulder to another. The problem with these backpacks was that, despite the fact that their design was meant to share the internal weight evenly, you still ended up with one shoulder apparently getting two thirds of the total mass and therefore, hurting like a b*stard after only a couple of hours.  
  
Archaeological Interests.  
  
Yup. That was why they had come here. According to the initial UAV sweep of P2X 915 there was a large castle-type-building only four miles from the Stargate itself. Not to mention the fact that after only a mile or so of desert like sand, the ground was supposed to give in to a large shaded woodland initially hidden from view by the dunes. This was the reason they had only bought the 'Foresty planet' amount of water along for the ride instead of the 'Sandy planet' amount, which was a hell of a lot more.  
  
Unsurprisingly, after walking on nothing but sand and in the blistering heat for nearly seven miles - in the direction that Sam had kept *insisting* was the correct route, Jack had officially lost his temper and ordered a return to the gate.  
  
And this would be why they were trudging, single file, in silence, back to Earth.   
  
Daniel looked over at his friend, who was currently standing at the top of the nearest Dune, binoculars in hand trying in desperation to spot the Stargate. He had removed his sunglasses and was shading his eyes from the brightness reflecting off the sand.   
  
Despite the tension caused by the situation at hand, the archaeologist couldn't help smiling slightly at the sight before him. Sam had finally caught up with the Colonel and was waving her hands animatedly in frustration. Too far away to actually hear what was being said, he contented himself with observing their physical interaction. Sam had stopped throwing her arms around and now rested her left hand placatingly on Jack's right arm, whilst keeping her other hand in a loose grip over her weapon.   
  
Suddenly, in one small moment, their entire demeanour seemed to change. Jack no longer looked completely pissed off, and both he and Sam were staring intently at their point of contact. As if in complete syncopation with one another, they simultaneously tore their gaze away from his arm and looked directly into each other's eyes. Slowly, and without breaking eye contact, Sam removed her hand from her CO's arm and let it drop heavily at her side as Jack reached out and cupped his palm softly across her cheek.   
  
Entirely unwilling to break their stolen moment, Daniel hung back and looked around him once again. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye he saw something shimmer in the distance. Groping blindly behind him, and muttering a few expletives as he momentarily caught his arm behind his back in a very uncomfortable position, he managed to grab his own Military issue binoculars and scanned the distance.  
  
Water!  
  
"Water! Hey, Guys, Water!" The intrepid archaeologist practically tripped over his own feet in a rush to reach the two soldiers who were now intently staring away from each other, their respective cheeks coloured slightly pink with embarrassment.   
  
Jack looked over at Daniel, laughing despite himself as the scientist stumbled slightly on the dune before righting himself and continuing his eager pace. Daniel had always reminded Jack so much of the geeks at junior high school who desperately tried to get in with the cool kids, whilst simultaneously trying in earnest not to get beaten up too often.   
  
The funny thing was, Jack mused to himself as he caught Carter's amused smile out of the corner of his eye, ten years ago Jack had been one of those people who metaphorically bullied geeks like Dr Jackson. But now? Now he was just about as protective of Daniel as a person could get. Despite his initial fury at having a scientist placed in the team that went to Abydos, the archaeologist had saved his life and the rest of the team on more than one occasion. And thanks to his quick thinking and interpersonal skills, he had got them out of more scrapes than could be counted.  
  
Reaching down, Jack grabbed the collar of Daniel's shirt and hauled him the rest of the way up the dune. Not stopping to thank the Colonel for his assistance, Daniel began to ramble excitedly until Jack decided he was hysterical and almost slapped him around the face.  
  
In a moment Jack would describe as purely 'Carteresque' Sam managed to silence Daniel by simply placing her hand on his shoulder and murmuring his name until the excited babble slowed and died.  
  
"Now repeat everything you just said." Jack smiled slightly, but held his hand up to silence his friend as Daniel opened his mouth to speak again.  
  
"Slowly."  
  
Daniel stopped for a moment, and a look of thoughtfulness passed over his face. Then his cheeks reddened in embarrassment as he realised he had no idea what he had just said. Instead, he resorted to neandertholic communication. Raising his hand, he merely pointed east and said "Water."   
  
Sam was stunned - and it took *alot* to make Sam stunned. "Really? Where?" She asked enthusiastically, grabbing Daniel's binoculars from his hand and scanning the horizon.  
  
The Oasis loomed up in front of the Major's eyes as she peered through the small lenses. "He's right." She murmured incredulously. "There's water."   
  
Jack, who had also been looking frantically pulled his shades back over his eyes and looked questioningly at his 2IC. "You sure it's not a mirage?"  
  
"Doubtful sir." Carter replied, still engrossed in the view through the binoculars. "I've never heard of group hallucinations before. She paused, then added pleadingly "It's not too far out of our way Colonel. Besides, I guess we'll never know if it's real until we get there."  
  
The Colonel stalled for a moment, weighing up the possibilities of actually reaching the Stargate before fainting through dehydration. He ripped off the Velcro cover on his watch and looked at the time. They weren't even due to report back for another six hours, let alone actually return, so they could afford to waste an hour or so...  
  
"Alright Campers." He said, finally giving in to Daniel's puppy eyes (though he'd never admit it...) "One hour only. That includes getting there. " With that, he set off in the direction of the tempting Oasis.  
  
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Blatant Bribe: Promise of gratuitous Daniel topless nudity in next chapter if you send me feedback...  
Newromantic. 


	2. Aqua

Disclaimer: Not mine...don't own anything...yadda...  
  
Authors Note: I think I've accidentally made Daniel regress to about the age of five in this chapter, but at least his body's still *very* adult, plus...HE'S NAKED!!!!!  
God, I love my imagination!  
Danny's gratuitous nudity is for Dena; the rest is for you guys...  
  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 2: Aqua  
  
Daniel Jackson ran (as much as one can over sand) the last few metres to the Oasis. Before he even hit the water he had shed his heavy backpack, glasses and Jacket, only stopping momentarily at the water's edge to pull off the rest of his outer garments before wading quickly into the pool.  
  
Jack barely noticed his team mate's relative nudity, having become more interested in securing the perimeter around the Oasis. But Sam stopped short at the edge of the pool and watched in surprise (and some measure of arousal) as Daniel hit the water running and dove quickly under the surface - only to rise again like a Phoenix from the ashes, droplets of water running madly down his muscular torso.  
  
Seemingly unaware of his friend's trance-like state, he turned around in the water and swam a few laps before stopping to tread water in the centre. "You coming in?" he yelled as she blinked a few times in rapid succession.  
  
"Uh, " Give Major / Doctor Carter a Naquada reactor and she could ramble about it for hours on end, but when confronted with a tanned and very naked male in an 'every woman's fantasy' scenario, she was rendered practically speechless.  
  
"Be there in a minute Danny." The sound of Jack's voice next to her shook Sam out of her silent reverie, and she glanced quickly at her CO. "Carter, you okay?"  
  
"Fine Sir." She managed to blurt out before turning her attention back to the unlikely Adonis in the water. "When did Daniel get so..."  
  
"Beefy?" Jack grinned at his 2IC. "One of the proviso's Hammond made for his inclusion on SG1 was that Daniel got up to par. Teal'c and I have been training him for the past few years. Not just getting him fit," he added quickly, pride glowing on his face, "but weapons and basic military training too."  
  
"Wow." Sam murmured quietly. "You did a good job."  
  
Suddenly Jack didn't feel so pleased with himself. "Yeah, I guess." He muttered before setting his pack down on the sand and removing his jacket.  
  
Sam grinned. "You're Jealous!" she stated in surprise.  
  
"Why would I be jealous, Carter?" Jack pulled off his sunglasses and reached into his pack for the empty canteen. He looked back up at the Major. "I may be a little older than Danny, but I can still hold my own."  
  
She smiled in reply. "I know." She said quietly as she looked into his eyes.   
  
*That* look.  
  
That look that said all he needed to hear. The look that told him he had no reasons at all to worry about Daniel. The look that in less than a second managed to reduce the green eyed monster roaring happily within him to nothing but a mushy puddle.  
  
He smiled back.  
  
Turning his attention back to the archaeologist frolicking happily in the water, he walked over to the edge of Oasis, bent (rather painfully) at the knees and began to fill his canteen. He then returned the now full container to the confines of his weapons belt before removing his hat and Jacket.  
  
"You going in?" he asked Sam as she sat on the sand and removed her boots and socks. "Yeah, in a minute."  
  
Jack grinned cheekily as he watched her peel off her vest and jacket, only to experience some measure of disappointment as she rolled her trousers up around her calves and her sleeves up to her elbows.  
  
"You can't swim like that!" he blurted out, causing her to give her superior officer a decidedly distasteful glare.  
  
"I'm not going swimming sir." Sam stated primly. "It's alright for you and Daniel to strip down to your boxers, but personally, I'd rather not expose myself too much." She looked at him for a moment, a glint of playfulness evident in her eyes. "In case you didn't realise, I wasn't exactly *made* the same as you two."  
  
Jack blushed furiously.   
  
IwillnotstareatherchestIwillnotstareatherchestIwillnotstareather..."damn!" he cursed as he forcefully removed his gaze from her person and looked determinedly over at Daniel, who was now doing backstroke whilst having simultaneously created a man made fountain using nothing but water and his mouth.  
  
Sam giggled in response before standing up and wandering over to the water's edge. "Don't you think it would've been best if we tested the water before going in?" she called to her CO, suddenly remembering the scientist inside her.  
  
"Probably." Jack agreed as he came to stand by her. "But I don't think a battalion of Jaffa could have stopped Danny going in. Besides," he added as an afterthought, "He seems okay."  
  
Sam nodded absently, desperately trying to ignore the fact that O'Neill was now, also, semi-naked.   
  
"C'mon Jack!" Daniel yelled from the water as the Colonel took a tentative step into the inviting pool. Sam sat down heavily at the water's edge and submerged her feet in the cool water. "Give me strength." She muttered to herself, grimacing at the cruel humour of the Gods. "I'm only a woman! Jeez..."  
  
A cold shower would be great right now she mused as she splashed her face and arms. Unfortunately for her, the water in the Oasis was more like a lukewarm bath, and did absolutely *nothing* to ease her libido, which was currently behaving entirely unprofessionally.  
  
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, the humidity in the air dissipated and was replaced by mild breeze, which quickly changed to a high wind.  
  
Sam jumped quickly to her feet. "Sand Storm!" She yelled at her companions. Jack stopped trying to drown Daniel and instead grabbed him and started pulling him towards the edge of the water.  
  
The team dressed quickly, Jack and Daniel's clothes sticking uncomfortably to their damp bodies. "We need to find shelter." The Colonel called over the noise of the now storm force winds.  
  
"Where?" Daniel looked frantically at the horizon. Aside from the pool, all he could see for miles around him was sand.  
  
"I don't know!" Sam yelled back, hauling her vest over her Jacket. "But if we don't get out of this soon we're gonna be in serious trouble!"  
  
"The tents. Get the tents out!" The Colonel ordered, unclipping his own from the base of his pack.  
  
"There's no time to put them up!" Daniel replied, looking decidedly concerned.  
  
"We don't need to. Just open them out and get under them!"   
  
Sam helped Daniel open his tent out just as the first wave of sand assaulted them from the north. Quickly as they could, the team managed to tie the two tents together using the guy ropes and crawled underneath, each sitting on a section of the material in a desperate attempt to stop it blowing away.  
  
"What now?" Carter asked, wincing as the sand battered against her back.  
  
"Now we sit it out." Jack replied, his confidence only wavering internally. "Anyone bring a pack of cards?"  
  
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	3. Waiting

Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 3: Waiting  
  
The storm raged continuously for nearly eight hours, during which time all manner of pointless topics were discussed…or, more accurately, yelled over the noise of the wind.   
  
Unfortunately, the tents covering SG1 proved to provide little protection against the sand that ruthlessly battered their tired, aching bodies. Despite this, each of the three cowering humans made it their personal mission to keep up the general morale. Jack told countless bad and, for the majority, entirely un-PC jokes until Sam was forced to give him a glare scary enough to bring Apophis himself to his knees; Daniel explained (in excited detail) about SG11's latest archaeological discovery, and Carter - well, Carter babbled. Judging by the sparkle in her eyes, and the way she kept expressing herself animatedly with her hands, Jack believed what she was saying was, in all likelihood, incredibly interesting.   
  
If only he could understand a damn word of it.  
  
Still, she was nice to watch, which was the main reason he allowed her to continue discussing the latest Astrophysics arguments surrounding Dark Matter and Wimps*. (What the *hell*…?!). Suffice to say, that over the years Major Carter had not been the only person attending the 'Janet Frasier School of Evil Glares', but whereas he was more than happy to silence Daniel with a single scowl, he actually *enjoyed* watching his Major ramble incoherently for a while.  
  
But if anyone repeated that little epiphany, he would deny all knowledge.  
  
Then kill them.  
  
Eventually (and thankfully) Sam ran out of steam and instead contented herself with surreptitiously watching her CO from the corner of her eye, whilst gallantly feigning interest in a rather futile argument he was having with Daniel about Colonel Simmons and the merits of well-placed grenade.  
  
Not that either believed the idea to be a bad one, you understand, it was just a question of *where* exactly the best place was for said artillery to cause maximum damage. Daniel was entirely convinced that Simmons' office would be most advantageous, whereas Jack, who argued both superiority and experience, truly and vehemently believed that a single grenade would not be powerful enough to break through the man's oversized ego. Therefore an entire launcher would be more advantageous - especially if placed somewhere a lot more personal…and *a lot* more painful.  
  
You get the idea.  
  
Soon enough, Daniel relented and came around to Jack's way of thinking (though in all likelihood, it was just done for a quiet life), and subsequently, conversation ran dry and silence ensued.  
  
Sam winced as a strong gust of wind battered another ton of sand against her back. "I don't think it's gonna let up any time soon, sir." she stated as she tried in vain to shake off the sand dune forming against her rapidly collapsing spine.  
  
Jack nodded grimly in agreement before turning to the Daniel, concern marring his handsome face as his friend slumped forward a little further, his body slowly giving in to the pressure of sand against his back. "How you doing there Danny?"  
  
"Fine." came the strained reply as the Archaeologist tried to push back against the onslaught.  
  
Suddenly the temperature dropped once more and Sam shivered involuntarily. And, of course, Jack noticed. "Cold?" he asked pointlessly.  
  
Sam looked at him for a moment. When SG1 was first formed she had done everything to ensure she was seen as nothing more than 'one of the boys', right down to hiding anything that could have been seen as a moment of weakness. Now, however, five years later, she had seen past her CO's bravado, just as he had immediately seen right through hers, and was now more than comfortable with their blatant honesty.  
  
Honesty, at least in some respects. Others, well, neither of them were prepared to discuss.  
  
An unbidden image flashed into her mind and she closed her eyes against the mental anguish. She shook her head minutely, desperately trying to banish the memory of the Za'tarc machine and smiled warmly at her commanding officer. "A little Sir." she replied.  
  
"Yeah, me to." He looked about himself. "Danny, where's your pack?"  
  
The archaeologist grimaced in reply. "Outside." he muttered apologetically. "There wasn't time to grab it. I…"  
  
"It's alright." Jack placated soothingly. "We still have two blankets." With that, he and Carter made a grab for their respective rucksacks and pulled out the requisite thermal blankets. O'Neill tossed his to Daniel, who caught it without hesitating.  
  
"Who are you gonna share with?" he asked as he wrapped the blanket around his shivering torso.  
  
Sam was the ideal candidate, not only smaller than the Archaeologist, but closer to her CO, and would therefore require less manoeuvrability, but still he hesitated.  
  
"Sir." The voice of his Second in Command, quietly affirming her consent with a single word was enough to tip the balance and he scooted closer to Sam, quickly placing both backpacks in his place to weigh down the tent.  
  
Internally, Sam was grinning like an adolescent with a crush, but externally she remained the professional. Quickly and efficiently she unravelled the blanket and placed it over them.  
  
But it wasn't enough.  
  
Five minutes later they were both still incredibly cold. The temperature was still dropping and Sam shivered violently. Jack had had enough. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it off their bodies. "Move forward." he muttered in frustration.  
  
"Sir?" Sam asked, bewildered.  
  
"Do it Carter." he growled. Desperately trying to retain his composure. Still confused, Sam shuffled forwards, under the ever-watchful eyes of Dr Daniel Jackson.   
  
She had to bite back a gasp as she felt Jack slide behind her and pull her back against his body. He folded the blanket around them both and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Not a word." he cautioned Daniel who just grinned in response.  
  
After a moments hesitation Sam settled back more comfortably into her CO's unexpected hold and had to fight to keep her eyes open, her body willing her to lose herself completely in his warm embrace.  
  
The sand storm seemed to ease up and Jack settled himself more comfortably. Sam's head was rested against his collarbone and he could smell her hair. It was almost his undoing.   
  
Daniel looked at his watch. It was going to get dark soon, and if this planet was anything like the Deserts back on earth, night time meant it was going to get a whole lot colder. He pulled his blanket tighter around his body and closed his eyes, exhaustion washing over his face.  
  
Soon enough he was asleep.  
  
Sam giggled slightly as Daniel began to snore. "That boy can sleep through anything." Jack murmured into her hair, evoking an involuntary shiver from his companion as she felt his breath stroke her cheek.  
  
"Mmm." she smiled in reply, too tired to form a proper verbal response. Jack tightened his arms around his major and she snuggled unthinkingly into his warm embrace.  
  
Jack smiled quietly, ruthlessly pushing down the urge to grin like an idiot. He tilted his head and looked down at Sam's face. She'd fallen asleep and was looking so peaceful. Like an angel. For once Jack didn't ignore the feelings welling deep inside him and he gently placed a chaste kissed on her crown before closing his eyes and succumbing to the gentle pull of unconsciousness.  
  
Outside of the warm cocoon the three friends had created, the storm raged on.  
  
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* W.I.M.P.'S = Weakly Interacting Massive Particles  
  
Chapter Four to come soon, but only if you think it's worth continuing. Please let me know what you think. I'm not above begging… 


	4. Observations

Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 4: Observations  
  
Jack woke suddenly, as he always did off world. His eyes sprang open, alertness immediately overcoming exhaustion. His back ached a little from remaining in a seated position for so long and for a fleeting moment he wondered how on earth Teal'c managed such long stints at Kel No Reem.   
  
His neck was stiff, but that wasn't the only reason he was loathed to move it. Carter was still cuddled up tightly against him, her legs splayed in front of her, head turned cosily into his collarbone.  
  
When Jack had fallen asleep his head had apparently lolled forward to rest comfortably against his 2IC's crown and his arms were still ensconced protectively around her waist.  
  
The feint light that had previously forced it's way through the material of the tents into their little cocoon had long since dissipated, and darkness was now surrounding the team. O'Neill could just about make out the still slumbering form of Dr Jackson only three or four feet away.  
  
Reluctantly, Jack gently detached his right arm from around his Major's body and used his left thumb to depress the button that illuminated his watch. 0400 hours. He groaned quietly to himself. SG1 was now overdue by six hours and in all likelihood, Hammond would be frantic.  
  
Determinedly ignoring the dull ache low in his belly that was currently suggesting it may be a good idea to relieve his bladder sometime soon, Jack replaced his arms and took this unexpected opportunity to study the woman he now held like a lover.  
  
Carter.  
  
Sam? No, Carter. Jack had admitted to himself long time ago that his reasons behind using his 2IC's last name had a hell of a lot more to do with personal detachment than their being Military - which, when asked, seemed a much more plausible explanation, not to mention a safe zone far from offences warranting a Court Martial.   
  
But still, in his dreams (some X-Rated - well, he *was* only human after all) she was always Sam. And what he wouldn't give to make some of those dreams a reality. Ever since the Tok'ra tests they had been forced to take, there had been an unspoken agreement between them that he fervently hoped no one else had picked up on.   
  
No matter what happened, no matter how long it took. They would wait.  
  
Until he retired? Maybe, but in their hearts they both knew retirement was a long way off for this old Fly Boy, it was more likely he would die in the field before admitting defeat through old age.  
  
What about the end of the war? Lovely idea, but never gonna happen. Everyone who knew about the Goa'uld knew the truth. Hell, it had been pointed out to him by pretty much everyone on his team on more than one occasion. Every time they took out a System Lord, a new and more powerful Goa'uld would take his place. There were thousands of them, all over the Galaxy and it seemed an almost impossible task to even consider neutralising them all.  
  
Promotion? When he made Colonel, Jack had known immediately that this was about as far up the chain of command as he was ever gonna get. He could never see himself pushing papers in Washington, and he had pissed off *way* too many people to ever be considered as Hammond's replacement when the General was finally forced to retire. But Carter, well, she was a perfect candidate for promotional prospects. From the moment they met he had known immediately that she was Military through and through, and even now, he would put money on the bet that she was going to go all the way. Eventually, she'd outrank him.  
  
Jack stifled a giggle at that thought, the idea of saluting Carter not at all abhorrent, just…well…strange.  
  
Sam stirred a little as his chest vibrated gently against her body. And, as Military minded as he was, she immediately came awake. He looked down at her and smiled slightly as her somewhat confused gaze met with his own. "Sir?" she muttered, alert but still slightly sleepy.  
  
"Yeah. Go back to sleep Carter." Jack's arms instinctively tightened around her slim figure.  
  
"Still here huh?"   
  
Jack chuckled. "Yup, 'fraid so." He looked quickly over at Daniel and through the darkness tried to ascertain whether or not they had woken him too.  
  
Apparently not. The archaeologist slept on undisturbed.  
  
Sam nodded, making it more than apparent that she wasn't overly bothered. Her CO's body stiffened automatically as she shifted positions and relaxed once again as she surreptitiously wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
It took Jack less than two seconds to decide on his next tactical move. Using just a little pressure on her shoulders, he shunted her forward slightly and lay down on his side before pulling her prone body against him once again and covering them both with the blanket.  
  
"Go to sleep." he murmured into her hair, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "It's too early to get up."  
  
Sam nodded wearily and snuggled closer. "Night Sir." she muttered into his chest, stroking her cheek against his body in an attempt to reach a better level of comfort.  
  
"Sweet Dreams." he replied and kissed her forehead instinctively before allowing sleep to claim him once again.  
  
Sam smiled quietly as she felt the moist, but gentle pressure on her head. Sweet Dreams? She mused.  
  
That was something she could almost guarantee right now.   
  
Lying in his arms, feeling his even breath gently ruffling her hair as she slipped into unconscious bliss; Sweet Dreams - most definitely.  
  
Outside, the storm ceased suddenly, and the high wind turned into a gentle breeze, quietly whistling over the sandy plains.  
  
It was almost as if the Gods had taken pity on the sleeping trio.  
  
But not quite.  
  
A few miles away, the Sand that had previously been thrown around so strongly had succeeded in creating a whole new Dune.  
  
One that managed to completely hide the Stargate from view.  
  
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As ever, feedback would be gratefully received 


	5. Dune

Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 5: Dune  
  
Daniel Jackson was the first to awaken at the more sociable hour of 0700 hours. The first thing he noticed as he placed his glasses on his nose was that his two friends were still sound asleep, curled tightly in each others arms.  
  
The archaeologist smiled quietly to himself, happy that they could steal a few moments of peace with each other, but also a little deflated with the knowledge that until the world changed drastically, there was little chance that they could ever have more.  
  
Shaking himself from his silent reverie Daniel leaned forward, intent on waking the Colonel but grimaced in pain as his neck and shoulders complained vehemently at the sudden movement.   
  
After taking a few deep breaths he tried again. This time slowly and carefully, rotating his shoulders in an attempt to stretch out the kinks and knots in his body. Eventually he managed to lean over and shake Jack's arm.  
  
Colonel O'Neill, once again, woke with a start. His sudden movement rousing Carter from her comfortable sleep and they both groaned in reluctance. Sam was the first to recover and, realising how their sleeping arrangements must have looked to her friend, she sat up very quickly, her cheeks reddening slightly with embarrassment.  
  
Jack took things a little more slowly and propped himself up on one elbow as he studied his 2IC, trying desperately to mask the grin threatening to erupt on his sleep weathered face. "Morning Danny." he turned to look at the archaeologist. "What time is it?"  
  
"Just after seven." Daniel rolled the blanket tightly and threw it at his friend. "Sounds like the storm's stopped. We'd better head off."  
  
Jack nodded in agreement and made a grab for the blanket, but Sam got there first, bundling up the cover before shoving it back in the pack with ruthless force. Both men noticed her violent actions and Daniel looked worriedly at the scowl on her usually serene face. He glanced at Jack in confusion, but the Colonel merely shrugged his shoulders and crawled out from under the tents.  
  
Jack winced at the sudden brightness of the sun as it shone into his eyes, and after taking a moment to adjust to the change he stood up, grimacing as his knees cracked painfully in protest. Daniel followed, seemingly more prepared for the visual onslaught as he quickly donned his sunglasses and stretched his back.  
  
"C'Mon Carter." Jack called, watching in amusement as the material, now without anything to keep it upright, folded in around her figure.  
  
"Just a minute!" she called back irritably, only adding a "Sir." as a reluctant afterthought.  
  
Realising that there was no way she was going to find her way out of the now flattened tents, Daniel took pity on his friend's predicament and made a grab for the material, pulling it away and slowly uncovering her body.   
  
Sam was seething.  
  
"You could have waited until I was out!" she glared at her CO before snatching up the other tent, rolling it efficiently and shoving it inside the pack.  
  
"Now where would be the fun in that?" he replied with a grin before turning his back on her and wandering off in the direction of the Stargate.  
  
"You okay Sam?" Daniel asked as they moved to follow. "Only you seem a little…*tense*."   
  
"I'm fine." Carter regarded her friend for a moment, then sighed in reluctant defeat. "Daniel, about earlier…"  
  
The archaeologist knotted his brows in confusion. "Earlier?"  
  
"Yeah." she continued slowly, choosing her words very carefully. "The way we were…I mean, the Colonel and I…when you woke up."  
  
Daniel grinned, realising suddenly the source of her discomfort and subsequent foul temper. "I'm not gonna say anything Sam."  
  
"I'd appreciate that." she replied quietly. "It's not that anything happened, I mean we would never…it's not as if…"  
  
"Sam!"  
  
Carter stopped walking suddenly and turned to look at her friend in surprise. He was grinning in bemusement. "You don't need to justify anything you do or *don't* do, to me."  
  
"I know." she smiled back, "but I just want you to understand."  
  
Daniel placed a placating hand on her arm. "I do understand." he said quietly. "I know there's something between you and I know that neither of you would ever do anything to jeopardise the team, but…" he continued, his smile fading quickly. "I hope you and Jack both realise what you're giving up in favour of your careers."  
  
Sam paused for a moment, "I do realise." she murmured, almost to herself as she watched her CO wander out of sight. "It's all I think about."  
  
Daniel pulled her into a loose hug as she closed her eyes in frustrated defeat. "Then maybe it's time you stopped thinking." he replied cryptically.  
  
They began walking again. "What do you mean 'stop thinking'?" she asked after a long moment.  
  
"I just mean, maybe you two should just stop worrying about it. You need to accept the fact that you're attracted to each other and just deal with it. At least that way you guys can go back to how it used to be."  
  
"How it used to be?"  
  
"Yeah. You know, before it all got out of hand."  
  
Sam smiled ruefully. "You mean before Anise."  
  
Daniel shrugged. "Before Anise, before Laira, before…"   
  
"Carter, Daniel! Get over here!" The sound of Jack's voice broke their quiet conversation and they both ran over to their CO.  
  
"What is it?" Daniel asked breathlessly, remembering suddenly how difficult it was to run over sand.  
  
Jack was stood at the top of a Dune, peering frustratedly through his binoculars. "Wasn't the Stargate supposed to be around here somewhere?"  
  
Sam pulled out her own set of binoculars and scanned the horizon. "Are you sure we're in the right place?" she asked carefully, fearing the wrath of her CO.  
  
"It's what the compass says." Jack replied as he sat down heavily on the sand.  
  
"The storm!" Daniel's excited voice made both officers look at him in surprise.  
  
"The storm must have buried the gate." he continued by way of an explanation.  
  
Jack nodded. "Of course it did." he muttered sarcastically.  
  
"So what now?" Sam sat down next to the Colonel and passed him her water. "Peace offering." she murmured quietly and touched her knee to his own.  
  
Jack grinned, feeling the tension ebb away from him and took a long drink from the canteen. It always amazed him how she could make him feel so much better with just one word, one smile, he mused as he swallowed the cool aqua.  
  
"So? what now?" Daniel repeated, and the moment was broken.  
  
Jack replaced the cap on the bottle and handed it back to Sam. "I guess we head towards where it *should* be and start digging."  
  
Sam sighed dramatically. "Sweet."   
  
Daniel's head almost spun off his shoulders as he looked at the Major in complete surprise, whilst Jack just grinned like a madman.  
  
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Thanks for all the feedback, and I'm sorry it's taken a little longer to get this one posted.  
  
By way of compensation, I offer a generous package of at least a few more chapters, including the next one wherein clothing will once again be removed (well, it's hot work, digging) and all the ship you can cope with…but only if you continue posting your comments!  
  
Newromantic 


	6. Panning For Naquada

Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
  
Before we begin, I have to say that I think this has got to be the single most plot-free story I've ever written! Still, it's all the fun of the fair, and if you guys like it, then who am I to say anything? Besides, I'm enjoying writing it!  
  
Pulse Increase Warning: Jack and Sam, and a lot of skin…  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 6: Panning For Naquada  
  
"That's the sound of the man, working on the chain gang…" Jack O'Neill was singing.   
  
Badly.  
  
The only reason Sam had not, as yet, gotten down on her knees and pleaded with her CO to cease his infernal caterwauling was that she had currently been rendered speechless by the view of his semi-naked torso all sweaty and rippling muscles in the relentless midday sun. At that precise moment she was standing at the edge of a modest sized hole in the middle of the desert, water canteen poised frozen between hand and mouth, watching the Colonel dig.  
  
She particularly enjoyed the moments where he placed his cupped hands into the sand and threw the contents between his legs. Not to put too shallow a point on it, but his muscles definitely looked their best when all taut and…  
  
Okay, Stop.  
  
Groaning in frustration, Sam closed her eyes and took a long drink from the canteen. The trio had been digging in the approximate spot where the Stargate should have been for over four hours, each person taking it in turn to keep watch whilst the other two continued the seemingly pointless task of unburying the gate. But as every long second ticked by the whole situation became more and more fruitless in her mind.  
  
Sam took one last look about her before calling over Daniel to take his turn at resting. The archaeologist looked up as she called his name and slowly made his way over to the lookout point, grabbing his black T-Shirt en route.  
  
"You okay, Sam?" he asked as his neared his team mate, only slightly concerned at the sight of her flushed cheeks and bright eyes.  
  
"Fine." she replied quickly. "Just a little hot is all."  
  
Daniel grinned. "Well that's hardly a surprise is it? I mean, it's hotter than hell out here and you're stood there wearing the most inefficient colour on Earth!" He paused for a moment to wipe his sweating face on his shirt before continuing. "I mean, what possessed them to make BDU t-shirts black in the first place?"  
  
Sam, who was just too damn hot to argue with Daniel when he got on his soapbox, merely shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Daniel." she sighed wearily. "All I do know is that if I don't get some cooler clothes soon I'm gonna end up with heatstroke."  
  
The archaeologist's brows knitted in confusion. "Don't you have a tank top on underneath that lot?"   
  
"Yeah…" Sam replied slowly, entirely uncertain as to how she was going to field his next, inevitable question.  
  
"So just wear that!" The expression on Daniel's face was somewhat akin to a child saying 'Duh!' and Sam grimaced in response.  
  
"I don't know Daniel, it's all right for you two to strip off a little, but it's different for me…"  
  
"I don't see how!" he shot back quickly, before turning an attractive beetroot red as he realised his error. "Okay, I *do* see how," he amended, "But it's not as if you'll be down to your underwear or anything."  
  
"Daniel. The tank top *is* classed as underwear."  
  
"Oh." The red turned a deeper shade. "Well, you do have a…a…"  
  
"A bra?" Sam prompted, using all her mental willpower to stop from grinning inanely at his obvious embarrassment.  
  
"Right. A bra." her team mate sighed in relief as she took pity on him.  
  
"Yeah. I do."  
  
"Well, there you go then. Problem solved!"   
  
Unfortunately for Sam, the problem was far from solved. As a matter of fact, the *problem* was currently walking towards them, and apparently quite irritated.  
  
"Uh, are you guy's done with your meeting?" The Colonel's voice was pure sarcasm as he came and stood by his second in command, looking down on her peevishly.  
  
"Yessir." came the clipped reply as Sam removed her hat and ran her fingers unconsciously through her short hair. "Daniel was just about to take watch."  
  
"Jack tell Sam to take off her shirt." Daniel all but whined at his CO as he tried to grab the canteen from her fingers…which seemed to have formed a sudden vice-like grip on the container.  
  
It seemed to Carter that the linguist had not been observant enough to notice the sudden look of pure hunger that flashed across Jack's eyes as he took in Daniel's last statement, but she had. And in less than a second it had turned her rock hard stomach muscles to a pile of quivering mush.  
  
"He thinks I look too hot." he murmured by way of an explanation.  
  
"I never said that!" Daniel exclaimed rather too loudly. "You were the one who…"  
  
"It really doesn't matter." she interrupted before his foot could fit any further into his mouth. "We really should keep digging." She stepped around her CO and began to make her way determinedly towards the hole.  
  
"Now hold on Carter." Jack's voice was stern and commanding, but his facial expression was definitely amused.  
  
Sam cursed silently and turned around to face him. Once again, she couldn't help the fact that her eyes, as insubordinate as they were, kept insisting on migrating to his toned stomach.  
  
//Crunches.//  
  
Oh yeah, she definitely wanted to see him do them.  
  
"You do look a little hot there." The intrusion of his voice broke her from her silent appraisal and she forced herself to look again at his face.   
  
"Really, Sir. I'm fine."  
  
"Now Carter, you're gonna get heatstroke if you keep all that on." He replied, waving his arms in the vague direction of her upper body. "Maybe you should remove a few layers."  
  
Slowly.  
  
Now where'd that come from? Jack thought to himself, a bewildered expression masking his face. Thanks to her little temper tantrum earlier that day, Jack had tried his hardest to keep all interaction entirely professional, and here he was, only a couple of hours later, thinking about watching her do a striptease.  
  
Dammit!  
  
The Colonel closed his eyes, desperately trying to exorcise the mental images of his 2IC wearing nothing but a…  
  
Was it hot?  
  
Oh yeah, they were in a desert.   
  
Definitely the best excuse for why his cheeks were flaming.  
  
Blinking, he opened his eyes once more only to find a semi naked Carter standing defiantly in front of him, hands on hips.  
  
He closed his eyes. Again.  
  
And open…  
  
No. Still there.  
  
What was the scientific explanation behind mirages again?   
  
Sam's hands were shaking as she stood before her CO, having removed the offending item of clothing. Never in all her years as an Air Force Officer had she envisioned a scenario where she would be standing before her incredibly attractive superior officer, wearing nothing more on her upper torso than a sports bra and tank top.  
  
At least not when in control of her primal urges that is.  
  
Say something… she thought desperately to herself as the air around them began to crackle with electricity.  
  
"That wasn't so bad, was it?!" Daniel piped up, apparently ignorant to the sudden tension surrounding his team mates and Sam released the breath she didn't realise she had been holding.  
  
Jack cleared his throat, and discovered with glee that he was in possession of a voice after all. "We'd better get back to work." he said unnecessarily.  
  
"Right." Carter nodded her agreement and began to walk towards the hole.  
  
"Hold on!" The archaeologist called out from behind her and she swung around to face him once more.  
  
"You'll need to put Sun Screen on the new…skin…you just uncovered." he said as he pointed to her now exposed collar bone.  
  
"Right." Sam replied, relieved, and reached out to grab the lotion from her friend.  
  
Jack purposely turned his back and made out he was viewing the horizon as Sam coated herself liberally in the cream before attempting to hand it back to Daniel. "Put some on my back?" she asked him as she felt the first tingles of sunburn begin to creep across her shoulder blades.  
  
"Sure." Daniel grabbed the lotion and poured some onto his hand. He rubbed it into his palms a little before reaching towards Carter's back and  
  
Promptly falling flat on his face.  
  
Sam's giggling turned into a raucous laughter as the archaeologist tried to right himself, before falling forwards once again and coating his face and hands in sand covered sun cream.  
  
"Dammit!" He exclaimed as he forcefully pulled himself into a sitting position. He grabbed up his discarded t-shirt and began to rub furiously at his hands.  
  
Jack grinned. "C'mon Carter. Back to work." He made a grab at his own hat and pulled it tighter onto his head.  
  
"Hang on." Daniel said, his face still semi-buried under his shirt. "Sam still needs sun cream on her back." He paused for a moment to pass the bottle over to the Colonel, who took it without thinking. "Can you do it? I'm kinda busy here." and with that he resumed rubbing the sand from his face and hands.  
  
Jack looked over at his 2IC, still unsure as to what had just transpired. The shocked look on her face however, answered all questions.  
  
He stared stupidly at the offending lotion before returning his horrified gaze to the Major, then back to the bottle.  
  
If Sam was slightly red, it was nothing compared to Jack.  
  
"Ah, crap." he muttered before pouring the liquid onto his shaking hands. "Come here Carter."   
  
Sam took a tentative step towards him before turning her back on her CO and closing her eyes in resignation.  
  
Both Colonel and Major shivered involuntarily as she felt the first touch of his cooling hands on her burning skin.  
  
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I'm such a tease!  
So? How's it going? You think I should just cut my losses and end it next chapter? Or do you want more?  
Enquiring minds wanna know… 


	7. Sleeping Arrangements

Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
Procrastination  
Chapter 7: Sleeping Arrangements  
  
Exhaustion was the main course on SG1's menu that evening. They had been digging for ten hours straight and every single muscle and joint in Major Samantha Carter's body was screaming for some serious attention.  
  
Sam's mind was in overdrive as she automatically checked the perimeter surrounding their camp. After a long day of doing nothing but digging with their hands they had achieved absolutely nothing.  
  
Nadda.   
  
Not a thing.  
  
You get the point.  
  
And what's more, seeing as they had no option but to continue the search tomorrow, they had a whole day of futilely digging on their hands and knees to look forward to once again.  
  
The only break she'd had throughout the entire day had been when she had offered to walk back to the Oasis and refill their water canteens. Even then the journey had only served to exhaust her even more. She had, however taken the opportunity to go for a quick dip in the tempting pool before returning to her team. Luckily for her the heat from the blazing sun had dried her short hair in next to no time and so she had no reason to tell her team mates of her digression.  
  
No point in making them jealous, after all.  
  
She sighed dolefully to herself as she made her way back to the camp, strolling slowly as she radioed to the Colonel that they were secure for the night. What was going on with him? She wondered to herself as she carefully retraced her depressed footsteps in the sand. Hell, what was wrong with both of them?  
  
Everyone in the need-to-know category understood that there was something between the two leading members of Stargate Commands flagship team, but everyone also knew that no matter what their personal feelings for one another, their relationship still remained entirely professional.  
  
Everyone, it seemed, except for the two main players.  
  
Normally, and that is to say pretty much all the time, both Sam and the Colonel had managed to curb their emotions and turn any and all frustrations to positive use…like beating the crap out of Apophis, for example, but for some reason entirely unknown to the Major, this whole mission had been one sexual innuendo after another. What with the need for them all to repeatedly remove layers of clothing, and the tempting Oasis, not to mention last night…  
  
Last night.  
  
Sam smiled wistfully as she remembered how it had felt to be snuggled up warm in her CO's embrace, his hand resting lightly on her midriff and his breath blowing a gentle breeze on her neck. Her smile turned to a smirk, then progressed to an all-out grin as she recollected the way his fingers had managed to crawl their way under her shirt in the night and stroke her stomach, turning her insides to jelly.  
  
Growling in frustration, Carter shifted her P-90 to a more comfortable position in her hands. How was it the Jack O'Neill managed to turn her on even when he was asleep? She had, incidentally, been pretty certain that he was still unconscious when his hand had extricated her shirt from her trousers and surreptitiously snuck underneath. She herself had awakened the moment she felt the slight pull on her clothing and had been ready to remove the wandering limb, but after listening to his steady breathing for a moment, she had realised he was still asleep and decided (against her better judgment) that what he didn't know would never hurt him.  
  
But she had known.  
  
Oh yeah, she had known. And for a long time that night she had lain there, her libido quivering with excitement every time one of his fingers jumped involuntarily. It had made for a pretty much sleepless night.  
  
Sam determinedly shook all thoughts of her CO from her over-active mind as she approached the campsite, forcing a look of pure professionalism onto her flushed face as she wandered over to her team mates and sat purposefully next to Daniel - thereby ensuring she was as far away from Colonel O'Neill as she could get.  
  
"How's the leg?" she asked as Daniel handed her a lukewarm cup of coffee.  
  
Dr Jackson cringed at the reference to his injury. "Fine." he answered. The pain's easing up a little thanks to the pills."  
  
"Well, you're due for some more in an hour or so."  
  
"I know." he replied wearily. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more help with the tents and everything."  
  
Jack smiled. "Not a problem Danny boy. You just rest up tonight and we'll see how you go in the morning."  
  
The Colonel had called a halt to the days proceedings after Daniel had tripped on his own bootlaces and twisted his right ankle late into the afternoon. Due to the archaeologist's untimely accident it had taken longer than usual to erect the two tents, and there were no trees in the vicinity from which they could salvage firewood so the trio were forced to once again share body heat as the temperature rapidly dropped in the night sky.  
  
Carter's earlier reactions to the previous nights sleeping arrangements had convinced Jack beyond any shadow of a doubt that he would be sharing a tent with Daniel that night and quite frankly the thought irritated him.  
  
No, scratch that.  
It pissed him off. Royally.  
  
The only problem was he didn't know *why* it got him so angry. After all, it's not as if he had any reason to share a tent with Carter and besides, they had three blankets now so no one had to get up close and personal tonight.  
  
Daniel's sudden and very loud yawn shook Jack from his introspective musings and he reached down over to the camping stove and poured himself more coffee. "Get some sleep." he said to the Archaeologist as he swirled the black liquid in his cup before taking a mouthful and swallowing with a distasteful grimace. "I'll take first watch, then you, and Carter gets the early shift"  
  
Dr Jackson nodded in agreement and limped his way towards the little boys tent. Suddenly the air seemed to grow thick and Sam was finding it hard to breath. A million thoughts whirled around in her mind and she discovered to her dismay that she was finding it increasingly difficult to meet her CO's gaze.  
  
Strange, Jack mused to himself as he watched Carter's hands knit together in anguish, no matter what had happened in the past, be it the fiasco with Anise's Lie Detector machine, or after they returned from that underground plant where they'd had their memories altered, they had still always managed to find it possible to return to their normal working relationship. This time, however, he felt as though he was at the 'goodnight kiss' stage of a first date.  
  
Yeah, 'cause he needed that imagery right now.  
  
Eventually, and after a long moment of awkward silence, Sam stood up suddenly and announced rather too loudly that she was going to bed.  
  
Jack nodded - well, what else could he do? and bade her goodnight, watching her from the corner of his eye as she made her way to her own tent.  
  
Three hours later the Colonel walked over to his sleeping quarters and gently woke Doctor Jackson. He had nothing to report and so simply kicked off his shoes and climbed into his sleeping bag, pulling it high over his ears to ward off the night time chill.  
  
He fell asleep quickly, the days events having exhausted him more than even he had known, and only half heard the tent zip rise and someone climb in next to him.  
  
All was fine until that *someone* took it upon themselves to cuddle up close to the Colonel's back and fling their hands around his waist.  
  
Jack tensed and found his voice very quickly. "Uh, Daniel?"  
  
A distinctly feminine giggle emitted from behind him and Jack visibly relaxed…that is until his brain kicked in once more and he tensed up again.  
  
"Carter?" he asked slowly. "What'ya doin'?"  
  
"My tent was cold Sir." she replied quietly. "I needed body heat. You don't mind do you?"  
  
Dumb question.  
  
"Where's your blanket?" he asked, sensibility fighting it's way past his aroused mind and to the surface.  
  
"I have it." Sam admitted quietly, "But I'm still not warm enough to sleep."  
  
Jack sat up quickly and Sam (who had been wide awake in her tent for the last three hours, mulling over the reasons why this was a *bad* idea) had to force herself not to groan out loud in disappointment.  
  
Grabbing his pack from the side of the tent, Jack pulled out his blanket and covered them both before settling back down an turning to face her.   
  
Nose to nose they stayed in this position for a seemingly endless five minutes, neither blinking, hearts pounding with adrenaline. Eventually Carter forced herself to turn her back on her Commanding Officer and he immediately spooned himself up against her.   
  
"Just body heat, right?" he muttered and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders.  
  
"Right." she whispered back as she reached behind herself and grabbed his hand, pulling it over to wrap around her shivering body, lacing her fingers with his.  
  
"Right." he repeated with more confidence than he actually felt, and closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep.  
  
Outside, Daniel had watched Sam creep into his tent and grinned to himself as he wondered briefly what he would find when he returned in three hours to awaken Sam for her shift. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was seriously strange about the whole 'Jack and Sam' situation on this mission, but quite frankly it was so nice to see them like this that he was loathed to mention it.   
  
He did, however, realise that the topic would have to be bought up eventually, and knowing Sam, Jack and military regulations as he did, wondered if their was an alien influence involved in all of this.  
  
Still, he thought to himself as he reached again for the coffee pot, it could all wait until tomorrow, and the least the air force could do was let them have tonight.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
I've finally figured where I'm going with all this but it's gonna be a few chapters yet…as long as you don't mind.  
  
Please keep sending me feedback, even if you want it to end now - just let me know. 


	8. The Dawn Chorus

Author's Notes: Sorry for my…err…procrastination (no pun intended) with this story, but it's a hell of a lot harder to write than I expected!  
Okay, I'm gonna go watch Eddie Izzard now…("I'm building a speedboat"… Heh.) But thanks to everyone who's sent me feedback so far, it's what's kept me writing (and I use that term *very* loosely!).   
  
So…yeah…thanks.  
Disclaimer: Not mine…don't own anything…yadda…  
Procrastination  
Chapter 8: The Dawn Chorus  
  
Dawn came all too quickly for the intrepid explorers. Apparently during the night Daniel had taken it upon himself to cover both Sam's watch and his own - which subsequently found the Major waking up after a good nights sleep, still ensconced in her CO's arms.  
  
Naturally Sam also woke up with a huge grin on her face (well, wouldn't you?), fully satisfied with the prospects that despite the impending dig-a-thon that loomed menacingly in their near future, today was going to be a good day.  
  
Well what could possibly go wrong? Sure, they were stuck on an alien planet, the Stargate had been buried under what was undoubtedly miles of sand and General Hammond had probably given birth to kittens by now. But, she'd had a full night's beauty sleep, was still cuddled up tight against the man she loved - a position she *never* imagined herself being in (okay, so she had imagined it, but she certainly never thought it would ever come true), and she could even feel his arm circling her waist and his gentle breath on the back of her neck as he pulled her tighter against his hard, muscular body.  
  
Hard…  
  
Muscular…  
  
Mmm.  
  
Where was she? Oh, right. Good day. So…yeah.  
  
Uh, so the sun was shining (she assumed - it was kinda hard to tell, what with being in a tent and all), the birds were singing, and it was turrr..niii..nggg…  
  
The birds…  
  
…the birds were…  
  
…the, uh…  
  
Singing? In a Desert? Since when did birds sing in Deserts?   
  
Sam blinked. Come to think of it, since when did birds *migrate* to Deserts? Even just for a vacation?  
  
Finally, the hazy, self-satisfied fog that had clouded her brain since awakening to the masculine smells of a certain Colonel lifted and common sense forced it's unwelcome way to the surface. She rose quickly (much to the chagrin of said Colonel, who was rudely awakened by the sudden movement) and shot out of the tent.  
  
And blinked. A lot.  
  
It seemed to Sam that one of two things had happened. Either A. She was going completely and totally insane (a rather worrying concept for someone who relies on their mind for pretty much *everything*), or B. in the space of approximately eight hours, the alien planet had decided, under it's own council, to terra form itself.   
  
Suffice to say, she didn't think she was going nuts. Her faculties were all present and accounted for, and she even recited the periodic table out loud three times in quick succession to make sure (including it's latest additions). However, being the academic of the group, she was also fully aware that it was scientifically impossible for a planet to completely change overnight.  
  
Even entertaining the concept would be construed as mad.   
  
So with that in mind, she wandered slowly over to the tent she was supposed to have slept in the previous evening, mentally preparing herself to ask Doctor Daniel Jackson firstly what on earth possessed him to make the decision that no one need stand watch for half of the night, and also how the *hell* a whole bunch of trees, grass and cute little furry woodland animals had managed to appear out of what, until five minutes ago, had been a giant sandpit.  
  
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I know, I know. A rather short chapter, this one. But it seemed a good place to leave the story and I promise you faithfully that the next one will be longer.  
  
Oh, and feedback is mandatory. But no pressure… 


	9. Wish You Were Here

Authors Note: Oodles of thanks to DC Chic for helping figure out exactly where I'm going with this, and making sure I keep the continuity. I left a little Daniel-type present for you as my way of saying thanks without spending money on airmail stamps!  
  
Disclaimer: If you want to see Danny naked for real, write to MGM. I have no control over their nudity clauses.  
  
Unfortunately.  
Procrastination  
Chapter 9: Wish You Were Here…  
  
Daniel awoke to Japanese Water Torture.  
  
Groggily, he opened his eyes to find Sam kneeling over him, her extended arm slowly dripping water from her canteen onto his forehead.  
  
Turning his face quickly in order to avoid the next droplet, he reached over to his pack and grabbed his glasses before sitting upright and glaring as best he could at her until she withdrew the canteen and replaced the lid.  
  
"Morning." he said uncertainly.  
  
"Yes it is." she replied, sarcasm dripping from her words. "Daniel, would you care to explain why you didn't wake me for my watch?"  
  
The archaeologist looked at her for a moment, still not entirely sure what was going on. "Your watch…" he repeated slowly.   
  
Then, as if someone had finally drawn the curtains in his mind, his brain woke up.   
  
And he blushed.  
  
"I thought you'd like the night off." he explained, somewhat sheepishly. "So you and Jack could…"  
  
Then Sam blushed.  
  
"Daniel, we would never…" Before she could finish her sentence Colonel O'Neill shot into the tent, rapidly firing off questions regarding the planet's Rikki Lake style makeover.  
  
No one listened to a word he was saying for fear of having their eardrums burst in protestation, but both waited patiently until the barrage of questions ceased and Jack was stood waiting for a reply.  
  
Daniel was first. "What are you talking about?" he asked as he crawled over to the opening and peered outside, before shock caused his arms to give out from under him and he fell onto his stomach with a surprised 'whompf'.  
  
"Well you were on watch!" Jack cried out after him. "Didn't you see anything?" He paused, processing the information his own brain had just provided. "Come to think of it, *why* were you on watch?"  
  
Daniel looked back at the Colonel and blushed once more, causing Sam's cheeks to redden as she glanced from the archaeologist to her CO and back again.  
  
Then Jack understood.  
  
And a blushing contest ensued.  
  
Sam was the first to recover. "Sir, I was just explaining to Daniel that we would never…"  
  
"Never!" Jack agreed quickly.  
  
"And no matter what he thought he saw last night, we didn't…"  
  
"No. Of course we didn't! We wouldn't!"  
  
"Right." Sam said, somewhat dejectedly.  
  
"Right." Jack agreed, and sighed in frustration, before turning back to Daniel. "But that still doesn't explain how come you have no idea what happened here. I mean, the fact that Carter was sleeping with me means that…okay, not *with* me, we would never do that. I just meant that as seeing as we slept together last night…ah, crap."  
  
Sam threw the lifebelt. "What the Colonel means is that why, if you were supposed to be on watch, did you not see anything?"  
  
Daniel blinked. "I have no idea." he replied honestly. "All I remember is coming in here to get my glasses cleaner, and the next thing I knew, Niagara Falls had relocated to my forehead!"  
  
Cautiously and with weapons drawn in case the trees or apparently indigenous animals decided to attack them, the three team mates climbed out of the tent and looked around. The planet's overnight transformation was, indeed, spectacular. The sand had given way to lush green grass, and the dunes had been replaced by beautiful evergreen trees. Where once was a barren landscape, with a view for miles of nothing but sand, there now stood a high canopy of treetops, covering the sky, with only a small clearing surrounding them that seemed to have been placed there specifically for the purpose of tent placement.  
  
After securing the immediate area Jack, Sam and Daniel sat down to eat a quick breakfast of cardboard flavoured health bars, with just a hint of bark and some strong black coffee.  
  
"So what now?" Daniel asked before choking on a mouthful of what they had collectively decided was probably oats.  
  
"Well, we need to see if the Stargate's made an appearance, but we also have to refill the water." Replied Sam as she chewed thoughtfully on her coffee.  
  
"Mine's still full." Daniel said quickly, "But I'll refill yours and Jack's." He handed his canteen over to the Major. "You take mine."  
  
Sam nodded her thanks before giving him her empty thermos.  
  
"Right. Daniel, you head back in the direction of the Oasis, Carter can take some soil samples and I'll go see if the 'gate's back."  
  
That decided, they packed up the tents and equipment before the two men headed off in different directions, both nodding mutely to Carter's request that they stay in radio contact.  
  
Luckily for the team, the Oasis was still where it had been twenty-four hours earlier, only this time it was surrounded by trees. Despite the foliage, it seemed to be the only constant on this strange new world and Daniel sighed in measured relief as the shimmering water came into view.   
  
He depressed the transmit button on his radio. "Jack, it's Daniel."  
  
"Go ahead, Danny."  
  
"Yeah, I found the water. It's still here." he reported back. "I'll fill the canteens and see you back at the clearing in a little while."  
  
"Acknowledged." Came Jack's reply. "O'Neill out."  
  
The shade of the trees had stopped the worst of the heat from reaching the humans, but it was still a warm day and the trek back to the pool had made Daniel feel hot, dirty and dusty and the water all the more tempting. After hesitating for only a moment, he looked around coyly whilst he stripped off his clothes before wading slowly and blissfully into the water.   
  
Daniel swam erratically for around half an hour, revelling in the sensations of the cool aqua cleansing the dust and sand off his naked body before climbing back out and lying on the bank, allowing the sun to dry him naturally.  
  
Entirely unaware that he was being watched the whole time.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Jack reached the last known coordinates of the Stargate and, discovering it was still apparently on vacation, immediately began looking around for any signs of their previous days digging.  
  
After a while of futilely looking under every rock and leaf for even the smallest of holes he gave up his search and sat down heavily on a boulder.  
  
He reached for his radio. "Carter, come in?"  
  
"This is Carter." came the disembodied reply. "Any luck Sir?"  
  
"No. The Stargate's still AWOL and the hole we dug yesterday's gone too." He reached for his sunglasses. "You finished collecting dirt?"  
  
"Yessir. I was just on my way to meet Daniel."  
  
Jack shook his head at nothing in particular. "No. Stay put, I'm on my way."  
  
"Yes Sir. Carter out."  
  
Jack grabbed his pack before standing up wearily and making his way back to the clearing.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sam misjudged her CO's arrival time by at least ten minutes, and Jack was mildly surprised and more than slightly aroused as he watched her strip down to her tank top and pour water over her sweaty body.  
  
His feet seemed to become heavier than led and time seemed to slow to a standstill as he watched her pour more water down her neck and spread it evenly over her collarbone with her hands.   
  
Then she reached for the hem of her top and began to pull it over her shoulders.  
  
And he nearly fainted with anticipation.  
  
It seemed he had two choices now. Either he hide behind a tree and watch the impromptu strip show like the dirty old man he now felt he was turning into, or he make his presence known before she went any further and he completely lost all self control.  
  
Hmm, decision time.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Footnote: Right. We're gonna try something new here. You guys get to decide what Jack should do. Just send me your opinion and I'll go with the majority vote! 


	10. Keeping Abreast Of Things

Authors Note: Thanks to everyone on Fanfiction and Heliopolis who voted. The results of my little poll are evident in this chapter.  
I have to say that very few of you wanted Jack to stand by and watch - which was fine by me, but for some reason most of you wanted him to approach her in her semi-dressed state - you bunch of perverts! g  
  
Disclaimer: If you want to see Danny naked for real, write to MGM. I have no control over their nudity clauses.  
  
Unfortunately.  
Procrastination  
Chapter 10: Keeping Abreast Of Things  
Jack panicked.  
  
After a second or two he realised it wasn't really helping the situation and decided his best option was to simply walk away in the other direction, back the way he came.  
  
Unfortunately as he turned to leave a random twig decided it would be fun to roll under his right foot and place itself in direct line of fire to Jack's boot.  
  
And of course…  
  
*Crack.*  
  
He panicked in earnest this time, to the point where his heart started to beat double time and his head almost did a one-eighty turn in surprise. Naturally, and as luck would have it, Sam heard everything and thought it best to check things out.  
  
"Colonel!" The voice appeared from behind him and Jack took a moment before turning around to pray that she had made the decision to re-dress before investigating.  
  
Slowly, very slowly he turned around to face the Major and breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed she had put her jacket back on.  
  
Then he looked down.  
  
Not down enough that he was looking below the waist, you understand. He had *tried* to let his gaze travel from head to foot but his eyes seemed to get stuck on her cleavage - which was predominantly noticeable since Carter was currently sans tee shirt and her jacket was still undone.  
  
And he could see cleavage.  
  
*Her* cleavage.  
  
Oh yeah, he was *really* starting to like those tank tops.  
  
Realising that he was staring in an entirely unprofessional manner (and yes he did take a moment to question the times when this situation would be considered as professional) he forced his eyes to meet her questioning gaze.  
  
"You alright sir?"  
  
Okay, he knew she'd said *something* just then, but it seemed his blood was still doing a happy little dance down towards his genitals and all he heard in his addled mind was "blah blah blah sir?"  
  
Sam seemed to sense his hesitation and it concerned her a little. "Sir? Are you okay?" she repeated.  
  
He got it that time, but was still having a few problems forming coherent words. He coughed dramatically to remind himself that he still had a voice and then gave her an answer that would have his mind repeating 'D'oh!' for at least the next two weeks.  
  
"Chest Carter."   
  
D'oh!  
  
He coughed again. "Yes Carter." he amended. "Yes, I'm fine."  
  
Either Sam had developed previously unforeseen psychic abilities, or her years working on SG1 had taught her to know exactly where her CO's thoughts lay and immediately went to zip up her jacket.  
  
"leave it." He murmured.  
  
Where the hell did *that* come from?  
  
Carter's hands stilled. "Huh?"  
  
Ah, to hell with it. "Just for a little while."   
  
Did he really just say that? Jack took a moment to rewind his brain and check the archives.   
  
Yep. He'd definitely just said that.  
  
Electricity crackled all around them as they made eye contact one more time. Sam's voice was barely a whisper as she dropped her hands back down to grasp her P90 with renewed force. "Okay. For a little while."  
  
They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity. Only inches apart, neither able - or at all willing - to break eye contact but both ironically holding on to their deadly weapons as if they were a lifeline.  
  
Finally the tension became too much and the breathing became shorter, heavier. The Colonel moved hesitatingly towards the Major, leaves crackling under his feet as he released the death grip on his gun and reached out a hand, pulling Sam towards him.  
  
Then...  
  
Oh, and then...  
  
"Hey guys, where are you?"  
  
Daniels disembodied voice boomed over their radios, breaking the cherished moment of intimacy with a timing that caused Jack to quickly drop his hand and swear huskily.  
  
Sam blinked rapidly and shook her head in an attempt to clear her misted mind. "Get to the clearing Daniel, we're on our way."  
  
She smiled slightly at Jack and moved to finally zip up her jacket. Jack watched in sorrow as the coveted cleavage disappeared under material. "We'd better..." he began and indicated towards the clearing.  
  
"Yes sir." Carter replied, inwardly cursing as she once again forced herself to hide behind the security of rank.  
  
Despite their decision to return to camp, neither seemed ready to move. It wasn't until Daniel's voice came over the radio once again - this time in panic and with frequent pleas for their help to rid him of the "thing' that was chasing him - that they both moved.  
  
And moved damn fast.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
Footnote: Sorry but I seem to have an obsession with Sam's breasts at the moment - to the point where I just wrote an entire fic on Jack discovering the benefits of her cleavage during a debriefing.  
  
I'm hoping this will soon pass and I can move on to more...personally beneficial topics...like Jack naked, for example. Mmm. 


	11. Bright Light!

Disclaimer: Not mine. My plans for world domination take up too much time for me to look after pets anyway.  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 11: Bright Light!  
  
Whatever it was, it pretty much came out of nowhere.  
  
Daniel Jackson had been happily drying himself off in the heat of the midday sun when the creature stole up behind him and grabbed   
  
His ass.  
  
When he first heard the rustling and crunching of footsteps coming from the forest surrounding him he thought it was just Jack and Sam so he hadn't been too worried...at least at first. Then he remembered he was still butt naked and had turned quickly to make a grab for his clothes, intent on covering at least some of his dignity before the others arrived.   
  
It was when he had quickly shucked on his pants and thrown his jacket over his shoulders that the creature made an appearance. Of course, he hadn't noticed it at the time as he was too busy bending over trying desperately to pull his socks over his still damp feet...an almost impossible task as the material does have a tendency to soak up the moisture and weld itself to ones skin.  
  
So there he was, Doctor Daniel Jackson Ph.D., Archaeologist-stroke-linguist extraordinaire, madly hopping about like a rabid flamingo whilst simultaneously attempting the very complex task of remaining upright when this...this *thing* snuck up from the rear and grabbed what it would only be fair to describe as his 'pert buttocks'.  
  
Naturally, Daniel jumped about three feet in the air, then landed with a rather surprised 'whumpf' on the softly carpeted ground. After regaining his composure he rolled onto his back, more than ready to give Sam or, God forbid, Jack the dressing down of their life.  
  
In fact, by the time he was fully turned and his eyes were in focus once more, he had already thought of three (possibly four, but one was a little lame) perfectly respectable sarcastic remarks to throw at the pair. But of course the moment he got a good look at his attacker, all three (and a half) comments hid like cowards behind a rather more appropriate...yet slightly less genteel..."What the fu...?"  
  
It giggled.  
  
Whatever the hell *it* was actually *giggled*.  
  
Apparently it found the use of expletives fairly humorous - which was probably a good thing, Daniel quickly decided, seeing as that was pretty much all his mouth could form right now (though naturally, in various different languages...).  
  
They only stared at each other for a moment, but to Daniel it seemed at least a couple of hours must have passed by before he plucked up the courage to try and speak.   
  
Apparently his vocal chords were on a Union break.  
  
Somewhat frustrated, and temporarily mute, Daniel concentrated more on taking in every detail of the creature's appearance. It was small, cute and furry, with an overall look that was somewhat akin to the Mugwai's in the film Gremlins. It was about four feet tall, had pointy little ears, huge green eyes and a little black button nose. In fact, it was pretty much a winning candidate for the 'overwhelming cuteness in an Alien Species' award that the female nurses on base handed out each year. Of course, what with Sam's track record for tragic romances with said aliens, most candidates that visited the base ended up evil or dead. Subsequently, every year since it started, Teal'c had won by default.  
  
Suddenly remembering the fact that as the linguist of the team, he really should say something, his vocal chords grudgingly put down their coffee and biscuits and went back to work, preparing themselves to begin the whole 'We come in peace' speech.  
  
He got as far as "We come..." before the little bugger showed it teeth.  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
They were running.  
  
That, Sam decided, was the reason she was panting. That was the reason for her flushed cheeks and pounding heart. And *not* because she had come within an inch of making out with her CO.  
  
Which would have been bad.  
  
On an alien planet...  
  
Definitely bad.  
  
...In the middle of a mission...  
  
Really, really *bad*.  
  
...Whilst Daniel was being savaged by what was without a doubt going to be a fifty foot monster with razor sharp fangs and claws that could rip you in half just by tickling you.  
  
Maybe she should just court-martial herself now and save General Hammond the time and paperwork.  
  
No. Save Daniel from his hundred feet tall, axe wielding, Vampiric and undoubtedly maniacal persuer, then she could flagellate herself properly - provided she could find an appropriate Birch tree, that is.  
  
Jack arrived at the pool first. Seeing no sign of the elusive Doctor Jackson, he pointed to his left and took off in the other direction, calling over his shoulder an order to stay in radio contact.  
  
Three minutes later and still no sign of the archaeologist - apart from a few footprints and a slightly damp sock - Jack and Sam met up in the centre of the clearing. Shaking his head Jack depressed the transmit button on his radio. "Daniel, come in."  
  
Releasing the button, he received nothing more than static. He tried again.  
  
"Daniel, this is Jack. Do you read?"  
  
More crackling; then silence. "Oh, *now* he chooses to be quiet." The Colonel muttered under his breath. "Nice timing."  
  
Sam walked quickly over to his position. "Did you find anything at all sir?"  
  
"Sock." he replied quickly. "And some broken twigs." He pointed vaguely in the direction he had just searched. "I think he went that way"  
  
Carter nodded and went to move off. Taking a step closer to her CO, she made as if to walk around him and  
  
Tripped on a leaf.  
  
Of course, she fell straight into the Colonel's steadying embrace, and looked down for a moment, wondering how the hell a person could actually manage to trip on something as innocuous as a leaf.  
  
Pondering the finer points of forestry for a moment, but coming up empty, she raised her head to meet Jack's fiery gaze. Despite the urgency of the situation, time seemed to stop. Her breath caught in her throat and her hands tightened on the Colonel's sleeves as his brown eyes darkened and their mouths seemed drawn towards each other.  
  
She could feel his warm breath washing over her upturned mouth, and her eyelids started to droop of their own accord; her hands rising to tangle in his short greying hair, unconsciously pulling his head closer to meet her half way.  
  
All thoughts of Daniel and his - well, lets face it - probably harmless pursuer fled from her mind as she felt those wonderful fingers massage her back, pulling her body into closer contact with his. She could feel the burgeoning of his arousal pressed against her hip and oh, she just *knew* this was going to be  
  
Daniel.   
  
Daniel's voice.   
  
Daniel's voice on the radio.  
  
"Dammit!" Jack refused to let her go completely as he once again spoke into his radio...this time with a little less concern for his missing team mate.   
  
"What?!"  
  
Perched precariously in a tree only half a mile from the pool, Daniel blinked. Despite his situation he was a little taken aback by the less-than-friendly response from the Colonel. "Uh, hi." He said uncertainly. "You okay?"  
  
"Where the hell are you Daniel?" Oookkaayyy, apparently Sam's mood wasn't any better.  
  
"Well, I've been running away from a bunny with teeth." He replied sarcastically.  
  
"This really isn't the time to get cryptic Danny." Jack mumbled absently, more interested in the fact that Carter still hadn't removed her hands from his hair and was currently running her fingers through the short strands, her eyes focussed entirely on his.  
  
"Uh, guys? Guys, are you there?" Oh, right. Button.  
  
Press button, then talk.  
  
He did that. "Well where are you *now*?"  
  
"In the forest. Up a tree." He paused for a moment. "I don't think they can climb.  
  
This time he remembered the button. "They...?"  
  
"Yeah. Apparently it made a few calls. Its entire family are now waiting at the bottom of the tree."  
  
Jack sighed and reluctantly released his grip on the Major. There was a grinding sound over the radio that neither could place. "What's that noise?"  
  
"Well..." Daniel replied slowly, "There's around a hundred of them down there, and they're all gnashing their teeth."  
  
Ah.  
  
"Ah." Jack sighed. "Stay put Danny, we're on our way." The now *very* frustrated pair turned and started walking in the direction Daniel had taken.  
  
"Jack?" Daniel's disembodied voice appeared once more.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Could you hurry it a little?"  
  
"Sure, but I thought you said they couldn't climb trees."  
  
"They can't." The archaeologist replied assuredly. "They appear to be eating the tree instead."  
  
"Ah crap." Jack muttered. And they were running again.  
  
---------------------------------------------------- 


	12. Lead On Macduff

Disclaimer: All characters from Stargate SG1 belong to someone else.  
No, really.  
Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 12:Lead on, Macduff.  
Ten minutes or so passed by before Daniel used his radio again. He had been watching the creatures slowly eat away at the large Oak Tree without too much concern and actually found them quite interesting from a scientific point of view.   
  
It wasn't until the wind picked up and the branch Daniel was perched on started to sway precariously that he decided now would be a good time to bring in the professionals.  
  
He quickly fumbled for his radio and pressed the transmit button. "Uh, are you guys gonna be here any time soon?"  
  
Jack's disembodied – and apparently somewhat pissed off – voice crackled a reply over the radio waves. "We *are* here Daniel. Where the hell are you?"  
  
"In the Oak tree." Sitting tentatively on the edge of the branch Daniel leaned down and tried to look for Jack and Sam. "I can't see you." He said quickly. "Are you sure you're in the right place?"  
  
There was a worryingly long pause during which the archaeologist nearly fell out of the tree twice before the Colonel's voice was replaced by decidedly more   
Feminine tones.  
  
"Daniel, it's Sam." The archaeologist rolled his eyes; Well he *knew* that. "We've come about as far as we can go here and I'm pretty sure we should have seen you by now." There was another pause. "Or at least seen these creatures you were talking about."  
  
Now why did she sound like she was humouring him?   
  
"Anyway," she continued, "Can you see some sort of landmark so we can place your location? There's a whole bunch of Oak trees around here."  
  
Daniel blinked in disbelief before raising the radio to his mouth. "Yeah," he agreed slowly, "But there's only one that's surrounded by tumbleweed with teeth!"  
  
"Lowest form of wit, Danny…" came the Colonel's immediate reply.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Sarcasm." He elaborated. "It's the lowest form of wit." This time the pause was brief before Jack continued; his tone exasperated. "And I can't believe you made me resort to clichés!"  
  
The biting comment Daniel was about to make stuck in his throat as the tree began to creak loudly and swayed slightly to the left. He quickly laid himself flat on the thick branch and hugged the tree tightly, preparing himself for imminent death…or at least a few broken bones from the fall.  
  
The tree swung dangerously in the wind for a few breathtaking moments before settling itself back down again, allowing the archaeologist to prise his hands free of their death grip around the trunk.  
  
He shimmied closer to the edge again and looked down at the grass below. There was a large gaping hole in the base of the trunk where the creatures had eaten their way through the wood, but apart from that there was nothing down there. The 'things' seemed to have scattered when the tree looked as if it were going to fall and Daniel breathed a sigh of relief before picking up his radio once more to inform his team mates of the latest development.  
  
Just as he opened his mouth to speak he caught a glimpse of something moving below him and for a moment his heart sank as he decided the Bunnies from Hell must have returned. But on further inspection he at last breathed a sigh of relief as Jack and Sam came crashing loudly through the undergrowth as if the very sound of their arrival would frighten off the little Vampire Rats.  
  
"Hey Guys!" Daniel called from his precarious position in the trees. Immediately both Jack and Sam looked up in the general direction of the voice. Carter spotted him first – or rather, spotted his foot.  
  
"Daniel, get down from there!" she yelled irritably and Jack's heart gave an involuntary flutter at her masterful tone.  
  
Then he blinked.  
  
What the hell was all that about? He glanced surreptitiously at the woman on his left. He'd heard her lose her temper a few times (though admittedly, it *was* a rare occurrence) but it had never caused his pulse to quicken like that before and it had certainly never made it to his mental list of Top Ten Carterish Turn-On's.   
  
There was definitely something going on here.  
  
After more than seven years of working with Carter he thought he would have learned to control his wayward hormones by now and, truth be told, he *had* controlled them to an obvious extent, but for some inexplicable reason, ever since they arrived on this bizarre little planet he had been acting like a hormonally driven teenager with a constant erection.  
  
Okay, not *constant* per se, but certainly pretty regular.  
  
Like now, for example.   
  
Glancing south, he regarded his BDU covered genitalia with confusion and irritability.   
  
'Down boy.'  
  
Nothing happened and he sighed in frustration. This was *so* Carter's fault. After all, did she *really* have to keep licking her lips like that? Obviously the woman had never heard of Lip-Salve. And what's with the way she kept rubbing her hands across her P-90? It was enough to make a man think of…stuff no CO should ever think about in regards to his 2IC. After all, imagine if he'd started thinking of Kowalski in that way.  
  
Aaaannndddd, problem solved. No more erection.  
  
Jack shook his head, trying to dislodge the lust induced fog surrounding his usually-so-focussed mind and concentrated purposefully on the task at hand.  
  
Apparently Daniel was saying something. He could tell because Carter's face was contorted into a very appealing expression of surprise. Her eyes were positively *huge* and her mouth was opened into a soft 'O', giving his addled brain more than enough ammunition to keep him blaming his sidearm for at least a month.   
  
Jack tried in earnest to tune in to the conversation but for some reason the area of his brain that dealt with sound waves seemed intent on blocking out all but Carter's voice.  
  
Apparently his brain was sound selective.  
  
Huh. Who knew?  
  
Eventually, and after numerous varying threats and bribes regarding time released endorphins his brain finally allowed him to hear both sides of the conversation…  
  
…and immediately regretted it.  
  
Daniel was yelling. Loudly.  
  
Oh, he *really* didn't want to come down from that tree.  
  
Apparently the 'Furbies' – whatever they were – were still out there somewhere and baying for his blood. Consequently, Daniel had decided it was safer if he just remained in the tree until further notice. A plan Jack was absolutely fine with, but unfortunately for both him *and* his libido, Carter wasn't.  
  
It seemed the Major had been studying up on the best ways in which to blackmail an errant archaeologist into climbing down from a tree and rejoining society; including the part where she threatened to tell General Hammond who the rogue was that kept stealing his coveted Smooth Roast coffee beans from the usually locked drawer in his office…a riddle that had all but convinced the General he was going insane and that retirement may not be such a bad idea after all.  
  
Apparently the threat hadn't gone down too well - proven by the fact that said archaeologist was currently screaming like a banshee.  
  
Okay, not *screaming* exactly, but he was shouting some pretty impressive obscenities at the Major – and not all of them in English.  
  
Man, that guy *really* knew how to curse.  
  
On the upside, he was however climbing out of the tree.  
  
Carter's tone changed as Daniel took his first, tentative step towards solid ground since impersonating a monkey a couple of hours earlier. She was no longer sounding like his mother; all stern and scolding, but instead her voice had dropped to a sweet whisper that sent sparks of arousal straight to Jack's groin. Entirely unaware of the effect she was having on her CO (though if she had known, she would have produced a grin to rival that of the Cheshire Cat) she continued to talk Daniel out of the tree, murmuring indefinable words of encouragement as Daniel hit the ground.  
  
No, literally. He *hit* the ground.  
  
Something was seriously up with the foliage on this planet, Jack decided and he watched in what felt like slow motion as the deceptively un-sturdy branch beneath Daniel's left foot cracked under the pressure of a twelve stone archaeologist and finally snapped in half, sending poor Daniel crashing the last ten feet through the myriad of branches, twigs and leaves and on to the turf below.  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Two plasters, a sling and some Asprin later, Daniel Jack and Sam walked slowly back to the pool of water, the archaeologist leaning heavily (and somewhat unnecessarily, Sam felt) on the Colonel's arm for support.  
  
Somehow, through the agonising pain that Daniel swore was coursing through him with every slow, drawn out step, he still managed to whine on about why he knew he would have been better off staying in the tree.  
  
Everyone has a breaking point, and after fifty minutes of being forced to listen to Daniel griping, Jack had reached his.  
  
In all fairness, he had tried everything to ensure he kept his temper; from nodding politely whilst watching the gentle sway of Carter's backside as she walked ahead of them, to re-running old episodes of The Simpsons in his head…whilst watching the gentle sway of Carter's backside as she walked ahead of them.  
  
Okay, so pretty much all his diversionary tactics had included Carter's butt, but what better way to while away the time.  
  
Luckily he managed to keep his temper right up until they reached the pool.  
  
Then he lost it.  
  
"Daniel, would you please just shut up!" The Colonel yelled as he swiped his flattened palm across the top of the archaeologist's head. Oh yeah, Jack had finally had enough.   
  
Unfortunately, it seemed Sam's libido hadn't and her reaction to raised voice caused the butterflies in her belly to start dancing the tango with her intestines.  
  
Would it *really* be considered breaking the regulations if she jumped him right now? She considered the point in all seriousness. After all, there was nothing in the manuals that forbade hot monkey sex whilst on another planet and as far as she was aware the asexual moron who made up all these rules wasn't even aware that they *could* travel to other planets, so how could he make up rules about them?  
  
Hmm, bit of a grey area, that.  
  
Unfortunately, before she had time to further theorise her sudden epiphany, there was a bizarre little aching pain in her lower back and she suddenly found herself looking intently at the ground below her…which seemed to be rising up to meet her.  
  
The Colonel stopped walking mid stride and lowered Daniel gently to the ground. Realising that drowning the irritating little man would have to wait, he turned to look at Carter; instinctively knowing something was wrong. Jack froze mid-blink (which, he discovered could be a little painful and really quite strange) and stared blankly for a moment at his 2IC who was lying unconscious on the ground…her face buried in something that looked decidedly (and worryingly) like a Cowpat.  
  
He took a jerking step towards her, only to fall flat on his face. Groggily, he turned to look at Daniel, who was stooped over Sam, shaking her like a rag doll, trying in vain to get her to regain consciousness, panic evident on his face.  
  
Finally darkness swept over him, gently lulling him towards sleep. He fought to keep his eyes open for just a moment longer, trying desperately to form the words that would warn Daniel to look behind him; to watch out for the…  
  
…Zzzzzz.  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Little Bitty Footnote: I am *so* sorry for the delay in posting. I plead overwork but make many promises to be more attentive in the future.  
  
Ahem. 


	13. Major Dilemma

Disclaimer: All characters from Stargate SG1 belong to someone else.  
No, really.  
Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.  
  
Authors Note:Okay, this is a little interlude in the plot (*plot?*) so don't expect anything other than sappy stuff.  
Oh, and nudity. Lots and lots of nudity.  
Heh.  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 13:Major Dilemma  
  
When Jack awoke it took his sleep-fogged mind a few minutes to remember what had happened. He had a vague recollection of slinging Daniel over his shoulder fireman-style with the intent of dropping him in the pool of water they had been using since they arrived on the planet, a slightly clearer memory of some Ninja-type sneaking up behind the archaeologist whilst he and Carter were losing consciousness, and a rather vivid image of his major's butt swinging gently from side to side as she walked before him.  
  
Left leg, right leg, left leg…Mmm.  
  
Something stirred suddenly on the lower half of his body and Jack groaned in frustration. Opening his eyes he blinked a couple of times, his pupils adjusting to the sudden onslaught of bright light. Slowly his vision cleared and he could finally take in his surroundings.  
  
Oh, *nice* surroundings.  
  
To his distaste, Jack found himself in a large, circular room that had been decorated in light purple drapes and a myriad of candles. From the ceiling extended a tacky looking chandelier and cheesy elevator music was being played from speakers hidden somewhere behind one of the nine ceiling-to-floor mirrors.  
  
A Whore's Boudoir, Jack thought to himself incredulously as he shifted his body a little in an attempt to get into a sitting position.  
  
His lower torso jerked again and he glanced irritatingly down at the arm lying heavily across his hips.  
  
The uh,  
  
The arm that…um  
  
*Why* was there an arm lying on his groin?  
  
Memories of a misspent youth with alcoholically attractive women caused Jack to be suddenly terrified at the prospect of looking at the face of the person attached; instead he tentatively reached his hand forward and extended his index finger, gently poking at the random limb. When it didn't do anything, he tried again –a little harder.  
  
This time the person attached to the arm groaned a little and taking a deep, steadying breath, Jack forced his vision to follow the line of naked skin all the way up to the facial area.  
  
Oh, yeah…  
  
Carter was lying next to him on the large purple bed, her face buried in the purple pillows, her apparent nudity covered only by a thin purple silk sheet. The whole situation caused a suddenly *very* aroused Jack O'Neill to wonder why whoever had captured them (and remind him to send them a thank you note later…) had deemed it necessary to remove his 2IC's BDU's.  
  
Was it possible to split your face open just by grinning?  
  
Of course, the sudden realisation that he was also naked dampened his sprits somewhat, particularly when he noticed that the tent rapidly forming in the purple sheet was causing her wrist to rise along with it - a situation that could prove somewhat embarrassing unless he moved it right now.  
  
Right.   
  
Now.  
  
Jack stared at his own, apparently insubordinate right arm, giving it his best Mean-and-moody-air-force-colonel glare in an attempt to get it to shift.  
  
Arm was having none of it.  
  
He tried moving his left arm instead. Left arm was much more reliable. It had never let him down in the past. As a matter of fact left arm was…  
  
..n't moving either.  
  
This time Jack glared at both arms, threatening them with everything from pink nail polish to amputation but apparently they were enjoying his potentially embarrassing moment a lot more than they should be.   
  
Carter's subconscious, however, seemed to have more control over her limbs than he had over his and as such her hand shifted slightly causing the temperature in the room to go up ten degrees - and the 'tent' along with it.  
  
Jack groaned involuntarily and right arm finally took pity on him. He reached out his hand and got a secure grip on her wrist before gently elevating the offending limb in the air. He was doing fine and was, in actual fact, quite pleased with his self-restrained ability to avoid peeking under the sheet until a sudden jerking movement from the sleeping Major caused Jack to jump in shock and he let go of her arm, causing it to fall ungraciously – and *heavily* - back onto his lap.  
  
A high-pitched yelp and a surprisingly good impression of Bella Lugosi's vampire (sitting bolt upright in his coffin) later and the whole 'tent' episode was no longer a problem.  
  
Bruises and infertility, maybe…but the tent was gone.  
  
And still she slept.  
  
Wiping his watering eyes, Jack took the opportunity to check the damage caused to his groin and, satisfied that it was nothing serious or permanent, he returned his attentions to figuring out what the hell was going on.  
  
His brain had just got as far as wondering whether or not it would now be alright to wake her when she moved again.  
  
Sighing and murmuring in a *very* cute fashion that caused the Colonel's heart to melt just a little more, the Major turned onto her side and snuggled up against his now frozen body.  
  
Oh, now this was just *too* much, he thought exasperatedly and placed his arm on her side with the intention of pushing against her in the hopes that she would just roll away.  
  
Arm, it seemed, had other plans. Again.  
  
Despite a direct order, arm had decided that instead of pushing Carter away – and thereby upholding the regulations Jack had lived by for so long, it would be more fun to wrap gently around her and pull her closer into his (also *very* bad) body.  
  
Sam murmured again (*so* cute) and snuggled her face into his neck.  
  
All of a sudden Jack found he could recite the Air Force Manual word-for-word.  
  
Shame that never happened during his exams…  
  
He shuddered as he felt the first exhalation of her sweet breath on his face – which was probably due to the Hershey bar they had shared the afternoon before, and tried in vain to mentally stem the flow of blood rushing south.  
  
Of course, the fact that her hand was currently burrowing under the sheet to rub gently against the soft hairs on his chest didn't help.  
  
Deciding that his best course of action would be to wake her like a true soldier should be woken – by barking an order for her to get up in her ear, he leaned over and placed his mouth next to her cheek…  
  
*Big* mistake.  
  
Turns out she had a rather attractive ear and Jack had the sudden overwhelming urge to lick the lobe.   
  
Which was weird.  
  
He bolted back into his original position and exhaled noisily, then moved forward, ready to give it another go.  
  
Right. Shout her name really loudly…no, no shout her *rank* really loudly…or her name *and* her rank. Yeah, that'd work. He took a deep breath and leaned over.  
  
"Carterrrrrr." He crooned gently.  
  
Well *that* went well.  
  
Still, it did work to an extent – only not quite the way he had planned.  
  
Instead of shooting out of bed and saluting him (In the nude. *Nice* imagery) she moved in closer and pressed her entire body up against him, murmuring his name in response.   
  
Suffice to say, total-complete-bewilderment-and-shock didn't really cover what the Colonel was feeling at that moment.  
  
But horny-as-hell did.  
  
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Footnote:Oh, I *thoroughly* enjoyed writing that! Feedback is a good thing… 


	14. A Crude Awakening

Disclaimer: All characters from Stargate SG1 belong to someone else.  
No, really.  
Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.  
  
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A/N: I am *so* sorry for the delay, but I've been having a hell of a time with this story. I lost all inspiration for a while there, but I've got it back now so hopefully I'll be posting chapters more often!  
  
This chapter's fairly short but I'm going to try and get 15 out by the weekend and thought maybe you'd all like a ship-fix in the meantime!   
  
Thanks to everyone who emailed me asking when I was going to post this one. It was lovely to know people are enjoying it and wanted to read more.  
  
Newromantic.  
  
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Procrastination  
  
Chapter 14: A Crude Awakening  
  
Something was tickling her ear.  
  
Groggily, she tried to lift her arm in order to swipe irritably at her attacker but her arm didn't want to play ball. Who could blame it? After all, she was just So.Damn.Comfy.  
  
Her sleepy brain had quickly decided that seeing as she was in a soft bed rather than on hard ground, she must be at home and that the moist, ear-tickling attacker was her cat.  
  
"Get off, Schrodinger." She murmured into her pillow. "I'll feed you in a minute."  
  
Well that seemed to work and as quickly as the tickling had appeared, it was gone again – but not before leaving a very uncomfortable trail of moisture around her earlobe.  
  
There was no way she could go back to sleep with a slobbery ear. Sighing dramatically Sam flung herself onto her back and slowly opened her eyes.  
  
She blinked.  
  
Well this was…   
  
"Uh…"  
  
"Morning Carter."  
  
She blinked again and turned her head in the direction of her commanding officer's voice.   
  
Okay, well she'd experienced this little dream on more than one occasion, but never before had her subconscious transported her to the bedroom from hell.  
  
Her mind gave a little shrug. May as well skip the introductions and get right to the crux of the dream sequence, Sam decided to herself as she regarded the Colonel with curiosity and said the only thing she could think of to say – under the circumstances.   
  
"Morning sir."  
  
Then she jumped him.  
  
Now it's not that Jack had a problem with being pounced on by a beautiful woman, especially not when it came to *this* beautiful woman, it was just that…well…  
  
Ah, hell.   
  
"Uh, Carter…" he said, desperately trying to extract his left nipple from her mouth without causing permanent damage, "It's not that I'm not completely *loving* this, but…murgle."  
  
His hands grasped the purple under-sheet in surprise. Yeah, she was definitely heading south. He had to stop her. Right now. Right…er…  
  
Apparently she had decided she would be more comfortable if she straddled his hips, which was…fine with him.  
  
But despite this wonderful wake-up call, variations of which he had fantasised about many times over the past five years, he was still vaguely aware that this would not bode well in the eyes of the military and in all honesty, the way she was going, he wasn't going to be able to hold off much longer. Already he was painfully…awake…and …  
  
Carter moved again, causing Jack's erogenous zones to stick two fingers up the military and wave a little white flag at the woman currently occupying his lap.  
  
Okay, it's not as if he was any kind of Don Juan, but in his fairly extensive experience regarding male – female sexual relations, never in his life had a woman been quite so imaginative with his belly button, and never before had a woman's tongue in that part of his anatomy rendered him speechless.  
  
Still, she was pretty talented with that tongue. And besides, who was he to complain? Obviously she thought she was still dreaming and Jack was pretty sure he had read somewhere that it was dangerous to wake a sleepwalker.  
  
After all, that was basically what she was doing, sleepwalking.   
  
Kinda.   
  
He groaned involuntarily as she licked her way from belly back up to chest and once again started sucking his nipple. Her hands were on a mission of their own, wandering over the hard planes of his stomach and up over his arms. They were still covered by the sheets on the bed and the fact that she was leaning into him meant that he could only feel, rather than see her breasts.  
  
Which was probably for the best.  
  
His eyes seemed to disagree with this opinion and kept trying to catch glimpses as she shifted and moved and *ground* against him.  
  
Well his mind control and black op's training never covered this and for once he had absolutely *no* idea what the hell to do.  
  
Still, when in doubt, surrender.  
  
He grabbed her hips and pushed her down onto his thighs as he rose up to meet her, grinning in undisguised glee as she gasped and groaned against his nipple.  
  
Just as Jack's libido was beginning to overrule his conscience, Sam stopped mid suckle and slowly released his poor aureole with a wet plop. "That's weird." She said more to herself than to him.  
  
Automatically he looked down at his chest, panic in his eyes and paranoia settling nicely in his stomach. "What is?"  
  
Sam started flicking his nipple with her fingernail. Not an entirely unpleasant experience and one which he decided to suffer – for her benefit, of course.  
  
She shifted slightly on his lap, making Jack groan in...PAIN! Yes, pain. That was it. Pain. Right. Oh yeah, he was *such* a martyr.   
  
And she was still talking. Why was she still talking?   
  
Wholly resisting the urge to grab her hips and make her wriggle just a little more, he blinked and shook his head slightly to try and clear the libidinous mist threatening to engulf him. She was looking confused now. Not a good sign. "Normally in my dreams you taste like…Oh God"  
  
For a fleeting moment Jack wondered if it was scientifically possible for ones eyes to grow that large without falling out of the sockets.  
  
Slowly, veeerrrrryyyy slowly, Sam extracted herself from Jack's tight grip and rolled off of him, back onto the bed.  
  
"Uh, not dreaming, am I?" she asked as she tried to get her breathing under control.  
  
"Nooo." Jack agreed, not daring to look at her.  
  
Sam started fiddling with the purple sheet. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked quietly.  
  
Okay, now *that* was a stupid, stupid question. One he had absolutely no answer to…unless you count the replies that were likely to get him hurt.  
  
There was a sudden knock at the door, and Jack sighed in relief. Despite the fact that they had been taken against their will, he still had the overwhelming urge to hug the next person that walked through the door.   
  
That is, until he actually saw the next person who walked through the door.  
  
Then he changed his mind.  
  
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Feedback is loved by both me and my fish. 


	15. Purple Reign

Disclaimer: All characters from Stargate SG1 belong to someone else.  
  
No, really.  
  
Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.  
  
A/N: I know, I know. I'm so sorry for the delay…again, but I do have a good reason and I'll let you know what it is just as soon as I can think of one.  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 15: Purple Reign  
  
"Good Morning." Much to Jack's surprise, Jacob Carter seemed strangely calm for a man who had just caught his daughter naked in bed with her commanding officer. In fact, if he didn't know better, Jack would almost say he was smiling.   
  
Of course, the Colonel mused, he could just be snarling.  
  
Sam, however, was not coping too well. In fact she was currently sat rigid under the covers with her knees hugged tightly to her chest and was rocking backwards and forwards, trying desperately to convince herself that she was dreaming and that she was way too old to be experiencing a teenage girl's worst nightmare.   
  
Deciding that comforting his Major whilst butt naked was only going to make the situation worse, Jack decided to focus his attention on the Tok'ra before him.   
  
"Uh, morning?" he replied uncertainly as Sam began burbling incoherently beside him.  
  
Jacob was definitely smiling, Jack realised with a sense of foreboding as the older man stepped further into the obscenely purple room and planted himself comfortably on the edge of the bed. Both men stared unblinkingly at each other for a while, during which time Jack became convinced that a punch would be thrown at any moment, but Jacob's grin just grew wider until it threatened to split his face open.  
  
It was only the muted whimpers coming from beside the Colonel that eventually drew their gazes away from each other and over to the Major who was now on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
  
"Is she unwell?" Jacob asked after a moment.  
  
Jack blinked and chose to ignore the question, filing it away in the 'dumbass comments' section of his mind for further study at a later date. Instead he chose to face the current problem head on.   
  
"About this…" he began as he gestured vaguely around him.  
  
Jacob nodded enthusiastically. "It is acceptable?"  
  
Huh?  
  
"Acceptable?" Jack repeated slowly. "You mean this was…" Okay, this was getting more and more bizarre by the minute.   
  
The Tok'ra nodded once more. "You were brought here in the night and I placed you both in this bed."  
  
"Oh." The Colonel replied, questioning his sanity for a moment. "And our clothes?"  
  
Jacob stood and walked over to the door. "They have been buried."  
  
Well, obviously.  
  
There were two reasons why Jack became suddenly convinced that he wasn't really talking to Jacob Carter. The first reason was that had it been Jacob, they wouldn't be having this conversation, and the second (and perhaps more important) reason was that Jack was still alive. Still, he decided it was best to test his theory before diving for the nearest object that could be used as a weapon.  
  
Jack cleared his throat. "Jacob, can I talk to Selmac?"  
  
The seemingly painted-on grin faltered slightly. "Selmac?"  
  
Jack's ego was expanding now for the basic reason that he had finally beaten Carter at figuring something out, but still he gave the other man one more chance before starting a victory dance. "Yeah. Selmac. You know; the snake in your head?"  
  
Panic and revulsion washed over the stranger's features, but the expression was gone as quickly as it had appeared and was immediately replaced with that infuriating grin. "It is sleeping." 'Jacob' replied smugly.  
  
"Ah." Jack nodded in understanding before grabbing the nearest object (which turned out to be a vase containing purple flowers) and throwing it at the other mans head.  
  
'Jacob' ducked and the vase flew over his head and smashed against the open door, leaving the man uninjured but shocking Sam back to reality. "Colonel!" she cried in surprise. "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"It's not Dad," he replied quickly as he shot out of bed and made to chase after the rapidly retreating figure.  
  
"Colonel you're naked!" Sam yelled after her CO and pulled the sheet in a sarong around her body before grabbing the under-sheet and hurrying after him.  
  
All Jack could focus on as he chased the strange man down the empty hallway was catching up with their kidnapper and pummelling the hell out of him.  
  
All Sam could think of as she chased after her CO was how nicely formed his butt looked from this angle. Never before had she understood other women's fascination with the male derriere, but she could officially say that as of right now - she got it.  
  
In spades.  
  
Jack caught up to the stranger just as he went to disappear behind a large wooden door and in a desperate attempt to apprehend the man, the Colonel made a dive and tackled him to the floor. Only seconds later Sam reached the two struggling men and threw the spare sheet haphazardly over them both before wordlessly kneeling on the other man's back whilst Jack moved to cover his own nudity.  
  
Finally they were both about as respectable as they were going to get under the sheets and, grabbing one arm each, they led the man back to their room. Jack felt it was a safer bet than going on into whatever lay behind door number one and seeing as they had no weapons, limited clothing and only a man who looked like Jacob Carter as a hostage, it was definitely a case of 'better the devil you know'.  
  
Once they reached the bedroom, Jack held their prisoner down whilst Sam hunted throughout the room for something more adequate to wear. Finding nothing, she turned on the stranger. "Where are our uniforms?" she asked, fighting to keep her temper.  
  
"I told you," the man replied weakly as he struggled futilely under the Colonels death grip. "We buried them."  
  
"Why?"  
  
The alien refused to answer the question and instead clamped his lips together in a child-like pout and shook his head emphatically.  
  
She tried another approach. "Why do you look like my father?"  
  
Still the man refused to speak and Jack decided it was time to pull out the big guns. "Tie him up, Carter," he said with gritted teeth. "I'm gonna show him how we interrogate our prisoners on Earth." Sam turned away in an attempt to hide her grin before moving over to the man and shoving him in a chair. She then tore at the bottom of her sheet and tied his hands behind his back with the strips before moving to stand before him.  
  
Jack had moved over to the other side of the room and was leaning against the wall as he watched his Major make quick work tying their prisoners ankles to the chair legs. He had to regulate his breathing for a moment as he observed the star of his X-Rated fantasies slowly tear parts of her inadequate attire to shreds, but quickly returned to the task at hand, coughing in embarrassment as she caught him staring at her barely-concealed thighs.  
  
"You will pay for this!" The man squealed in fear as Jack loomed before him menacingly. "You do not know with whom you are dealing! I am the ruler of this land!"  
  
"I couldn't give a damn," Jack replied with a mirthless grin before taking another step closer to the prisoner. Fleetingly he wondered just how scary a man could look when dressed in nothing but a purple sheet, but he quickly rid himself of the question and advanced once again.  
  
"Tell us who you are," Sam said coldly as she tried to remind herself that they hadn't really just tied her father to a chair, "and tell us where our friend is."  
  
"Never!" The alien shouted determinedly before trying to curl up into a little ball on the narrow chair.  
  
Jack needed to only take three more steps towards their prisoner before he finally gave in, which was a good thing, Jack decided, seeing as he had no idea what he was going to do once he reached the chair. "I will talk!" The man squeaked as Jack went to move once again. "Do not harm me, I will tell you everything!"  
  
"Fine," Jack nodded before backing away. "You can start by telling us where Daniel is."  
  
"The man you travelled with has been returned through the circle," the alien replied, trying to regain some of his equilibrium. "He was surplus to requirements."  
  
Sam blinked. "Surplus to requirements? How do you mean?"  
  
The alien sighed dramatically and regarded the two officers for a moment. "Make yourselves comfortable," he said, nodding awkwardly towards the bed, "and I shall explain."  
  
Jack and Sam settled themselves on the bed in front of the man and sat in stunned silence as the pieces of the puzzle surrounding this strange planet and their bizarre reactions to each other over the last few days all fell into place.  
  
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There's only a couple of chapters to go now and I'll try to post chapter 16 by next week.  
  
Feedback would be nice…*bats eyelashes* 


	16. Metamorphosis

Disclaimer: I'm thinking of petitioning for timeshare…  
  
Procrastination   
  
Chapter 16: Metamorphosis  
  
"So how come you look like Jacob?" Jack asked as he leant against the purple wall opposite their prisoner.  
  
"I am able to take many forms," the alien replied. "I am also able to reach into your minds and find any information I need."  
  
Jack frowned. "What kind of information?"   
  
The alien smiled reassuringly. "Do not worry, Colonel O'Neill. You have not unwittingly disclosed anything that would incriminate yourself."  
  
Nodding in response, Jack made a mental note to have all Iris codes changed as soon as they returned home, then turned to look at Sam. "Carter?"  
  
"I guess I'd like to know why you brought us here." Sam said as she sat opposite the alien. "And what your name is."  
  
"My name is Josaf," he replied simply, "and this planet is called Kolei. You were brought to this place because you wanted to be."  
  
The two humans exchanged confused glances. "We wanted to be?" Sam repeated.  
  
Josaf nodded once again. "Perhaps it is better if I start from the beginning."  
  
"That would be good," Jack replied humourlessly.  
  
"Uh, you know what?" Sam said before the alien began what was sure to be a *very* interesting story, "Would you mind *not* being my father? Only, it's a little disconcerting."   
  
"As you wish." Josaf rose to his feet and muttered a few nonsensical words before raising his arms above his head. A bright light engulfed the room and when it was gone and their eyes had readjusted, they were both more than a little surprised to find General Hammond standing before them in full dress uniform.  
  
"Is this more appropriate?" the alien asked in a well known Texan drawl.  
  
"Not really…" Jack replied nervously whilst Sam started to shake uncontrollably.  
  
"I do not understand," Josaf began as he sat down once again. "I chose to become these people because they were both in the forefront of your minds and have been since you regained consciousness." The alien frowned a little. "If they are important, why then do you fear them so?"  
  
"It's a little hard to explain," Jack began as Sam pulled the thin purple sheet tighter around herself. "The reason we were thinking about them is because…well…Carter?"   
  
Sam glanced at her CO before regarding Josaf once again. Grasping her hands tightly together in an effort to control her shaking, she gathered her thoughts before explaining. "You see, the Colonel and I, we…"  
  
"You are together, no?"  
  
"No!" they both replied simultaneously before looking at each other in shock. Sam turned an attractive shade of pink which, Jack noticed, crawled all the way down past her collarbone and under the sheet.   
  
Apparently the alien hadn't noticed their discomfort. "But you would like to be?" he pressed.  
  
Jack sighed in frustration. Apparently this was no time for false propriety. He stole a glance at Carter, who nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yes." He admitted bluntly. "But the situation is complicated."  
  
"I cannot see how!" Josaf exclaimed. "If you wish to be together then…"  
  
It was Sam's turn to sigh. "But we can't." she said quietly as she regarded the alien, absently wondering why the hell they were telling him all this, but seeming unable to stop. "You see, the two men who you just…became…are some of the people who would never allow it. We have rules on our planet and we have to uphold them. If they caught us dressed like this," Sam shivered slightly, her cheeks reddening further, "or how you caught us this morning, then we would get in a lot of trouble."  
  
Josaf brightened considerably. "Would you like them taken care of?" he whispered conspiratorially. "I know some people…"  
  
Sam did a double-take. Was he suggesting what she thought he was? "No, it's fine, really," She replied quickly. "We chose to sacrifice areas of our personal lives for our work. It's part of General Hammond's job to ensure we maintain our professionalism."  
  
"What do you mean by professionalism?" Josaf asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion.  
  
Jack sighed dramatically. As much as he was really looking forward to a conversation on Earth/Kolei language differences, it was still pretty unsettling explaining his relationship with Carter to a man who looked like General Hammond. "Look, do you think we could skip the phonetics discussions and concentrate on why we're still on this damn planet?"   
  
Sam glanced apologetically at the Colonel, her stomach turning excited somersaults as memories of what they had been doing less than an hour previously came back to arouse her. Suddenly she found herself caught up in O'Neill's eyes, his look turning from questioning and confused to smoky and brooding as she felt her cheeks grow warmer under his unrepentant gaze.  
  
Clearing her throat in an effort to regain some form of composure, she blinked once and made a concerted effort to turn her concentration once again on the alien before her. "So explain why you think we would want to remain on this planet," she said as she self-consciously crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to hide her slightly obvious arousal.  
  
Josaf, who seemed oblivious to the sudden change in atmosphere simply smiled and nodded his head in agreement. "I will tell you everything just as soon as you have eaten," he replied matter-of-factly. "I have noticed that you have ingested very little since your arrival on Kolei and you must be ravenous."  
  
Jack jumped up suddenly as the alien rose to leave. "Oh, no," he replied, placing a stilling hand on Josaf's shoulder, "You're not going anywhere until we get some answers. After all," he continued reasonably, "How can we trust you not to run off again?"  
  
The alien's eyes turned up slightly in amusement as he regarded the scantily clad Colonel. "Very well," he replied amiably. "We shall go together to the great hall where you will be welcome to share our meal."  
  
"*Our* meal?" Carter repeated warily. "You mean there's going to be others there?"  
  
"Of course!" the alien looked at her in surprise. "You think I lived here alone? Do not worry," he smiled as she glanced nervously at her sheet, "My servants will give you both more suitable attire before you meet the others." Walking over to a corner of the room, Josaf pulled on a cord hidden behind one of the purple tapestries and less than a minute later the door opened to reveal a young woman who looked remarkably like Cassandra Fraiser.  
  
"Cassie?" Jack murmured uncertainly to himself as he absentmindedly wondered if he was having a stroke.  
  
The young girl smiled politely at the Colonel and Major before curtseying gracefully to Josaf.   
  
"Take our guests to Calies and tell her to provide them with clean water and clothes, and then bring them to the great hall," he ordered before turning to his guests. "Before I leave you, I should explain that all the courtiers and servants you shall meet during your stay will have taken on the form of people who have made an impression on your minds," he said as Jack frowned in confusion. "My kind have no physical form that we can call our own and must therefore rely on the memories of other species to become solid matter."  
  
He stopped a moment and smiled kindly at the Colonel who looked like his brain was about to short out. "Do not worry yourselves for now," he continued. "All will become clear in time. Until then, just remember that the people you think you recognise are not who they appear to be."  
  
With that, Josaf bowed respectfully to the two humans and swept regally from the room, leaving a stunned physicist and a very confused Colonel in the capable hands of someone who was normally considered to be a rather tempestuous teenager.  
  
The servant moved further into the room in an effort to gain their attentions and curtseyed much as she had done to her master before. "If you would like to follow me, I will take you to Calies," she said as she walked out of the room and headed down the corridor.  
  
"So what do we do sir?" Sam asked after a moment.  
  
Jack hesitated, looking around him absently as he tried to think up a game plan. More than anything he hated not being in control but at that moment he could see no other way of getting them out of this. After a minute or two of procrastination, his stomach decided for him. "I guess we follow her," he said simply as his belly growled in hunger.   
  
Sam placed a hand over her mouth to subtly cover her grin and followed her CO out the door.  
  
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Footnote: I seem to be making this longer for myself. I think it's going to be a few more chapters yet because I keep coming up with weird little things to add.  
  
Still, it's all in the name of fun and what's a nervous breakdown between friends!  
  
Feedback is loved. 


	17. Mix and Match

Disclaimer: I'm thinking of petitioning for timeshare…  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 17: Mix and Match  
  
Calies, Jack noted with a slightly surprised raise of the eyebrow, looked a whole lot like The Tok'ra, Anise.  
  
That point alone was enough to put him off the idea of bathing and changing. After all, if a half-naked Tok'ra look-alike had to be the one choosing his clothing, then he hated to think who would be the one to help him change.  
  
Sam stood back with an irritated frown on her face as Calies fussed over the Colonel, measuring his waist and shoulders and…did she *really* need to know his inner-leg size?  
  
Of course, it was obvious to Sam that the Colonel was thoroughly enjoying all the attention he was getting, even to the point where if his eyes got any larger they would pop straight out of his head.  
  
Calies removed her wandering hands from between Jack's legs and placed the measuring tape on the table beside her. Clapping her hands twice, two more Koleian natives appeared as if from nowhere and came to stand either side of Sam.   
  
Glancing to the left and then to the right, the Major's foul temper disappeared in an instant as she recognised the form of Martouf on one side of her and Narim on the other. Her taste in men had certainly improved over the last couple of years, she decided as the two aliens began measuring her up for her own clothing, but the look on the Colonel's face alone was enough to convince her to make the most of the situation.  
  
Planting a huge grin on her face, Sam set about batting her eyes and simpering sweetly at the men pawing her; trying desperately to quell the inner urge she felt to beat the living crap out of the perverts, and relishing the look of pure outrage on O'Neill's reddening face.  
  
After five torturous minutes of being pulled and pushed this way and that, Calies led the pair into another room where a huge sunken bath of marble was being filled with hot water, and the heady scent of Ylang Ylang oils filled the room.  
  
Two aliens Sam recognised as female SF's seriously out of uniform stood at one end of the bath, sprinkling rose petals over the water and moving with Catlike grace as they removed their thin robes and slid into the water; looking invitingly in Jack's direction as they playfully splashed at each other.  
  
As if transfixed by the scene before him, Jack made to move towards them, stilled only by the firm grip on his left arm. "One more step and I'll kill you myself," Sam hissed through gritted teeth as she tightened her grip, making Jack wince in discomfort.  
  
Jack blinked and glared back at the Major, inwardly revelling in her jealousy, but determined to keep some form of military decorum. "That would be Colonel, Major," he shot back, putting extra emphasis on their ranks.  
  
Sam's eyes narrowed into an evil glare. "Fine, *sir*," she spat. "I wonder if the *Colonel* would care to chose between one testicle, or two?"  
  
Calies intervened before blood was shed. "Do not fear," she said softly, but still managing to get Carter's back up just by having Anise's voice. "This bath is not for you. We must simply travel through this room and one other before we reach our destination."  
  
Not waiting for a reply, Calies led them past the Sirens and into another room that, this time, had the distinct odour of masculinity. "This is the male bathing area for when we take corporeal form," the alien explained conversationally. "The room behind us is for females and the one we are to enter next is for coupling."  
  
Jack nodded absently for a moment before registering what she had actually just said. "I'm sorry," he stuttered nervously. "Did you say couples or coupling?"  
  
Calies smiled sweetly and once again Sam had the overwhelming urge to see just how far her fist would fit down the woman's throat. "I believe on your world it is called 'Mating," she replied quietly. "I have been asked to allow you entrance into our most sacred of pools, reserved only for those who wish to become intimate with one another."  
  
Sam blinked. "Just entrance, right?" she asked uncertainly. "I mean, we're not actually meant to…*stop* there, are we? You're just going to show us around and then take us to another room."  
  
Jack nodded eagerly. "Right. What she said."  
  
The alien looked confused. "No," she replied slowly. "I have been asked to leave you to bathe in the sacred pool, and then lead you to the great hall for our meal."  
  
"Ah," The Colonel said knowingly. "Crap."  
  
Sam's brain was going double-time. "Wait a minute," she said with a slight raise of her hand. "It's just water like all the rest, right?" she asked Calies. "What I mean is, nobody is ever forced to…*mate* in the pool. They still have a choice."  
  
Calies nodded uncertainly. "But why would you wish not to mate? It is all this male has thought about since you arrived."  
  
Jack coloured. "I forgot you guys can read minds." He glared at the grinning Carter accusingly. "Well it's that damn sheet!" he exclaimed, indicating vaguely to her lack of attire. "It's made you look all…girly."  
  
Her grin faded. "Girly?" she asked, her voice rising a few octaves, "How do I normally look then? Like a guy?"  
  
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Had it not been for fear of exposing some very personal parts of his anatomy currently hidden under his purple sheet, Jack would have made a concerted effort to kick himself. "No!" he replied rather too quickly. "It's just that BDU'S aren't flattering, that's all!"  
  
"Well they don't exactly make you look like Michelangelo's David, either!"   
  
"I never said they did!" Jack sighed dramatically. "Damn, woman! Would you calm down a little?"  
  
Calies stepped in between the warring pair just as Sam was seriously considering assaulting a superior officer and held her hands up to silence them. "You have only a little time before the meal begins and your attire still has to be made," she said soothingly. "I will lead you to your bath."  
  
Sam was about to ask how they planned on making two new outfits from scratch, but Jack interrupted. "I'm sorry, did you say bath?" he regarded the alien for a moment. "As in one? Singular? Uno?"  
  
Calies nodded as she led them into the final room. Their room. "Of course," she said with a knowing smile. "You were expecting something different?"  
  
Sam felt quite at peace as she looked around at the large sunken tub, big enough to hold every SG team on base. With a happy sigh she took in the scented candles mounted on the walls, giving the room a romantic, ethereal glow and the sounds of water softly lapping at the sides of the bath soothed her ragged nerves. Everything in the room screamed romance and as quickly as they had been lost, Sam Carter suddenly felt found.  
  
Jack, however, was a different matter altogether. With a heavy groan he collapsed against the wall and stared at the two women mutinously. "Well this day just keeps getting better and better," he said and closed his eyes in defeat.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Footnote: Feedback would be lovely and it tends to get me writing faster… 


	18. Desperation

Disclaimer: I'm thinking of petitioning for timeshare…  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 18: Desperation  
  
Calies left them alone soon after Jack's nervous breakdown and went to see how the seamstresses were getting along making the officers new clothing.  
  
Sam stared into the inviting pool for a while, the softly rippling water having an almost hypnotic effect on her; calling to her, inviting her to sample it's soothing, cool depths.  
  
Blinking, she refocused on the Colonel, who had slid down the wall and was leaning his head back against the hard rock, his eyes closed as if in prayer. "I guess we should bathe sir," she said after a moment.  
  
Jack opened his eyes with a start and stared at her uncertainly until she felt compelled to add, "I mean separately, of course. There must be some way we can go about this without losing our...dignity."  
  
Nodding, he stood up again and looked about the sparse room, his entire demeanour suddenly all business. "Right," he agreed. "There's nowhere for either of us to wait while the other gets clean, so how about we construct a makeshift tent with our sheets?"  
  
"That's a good idea sir," Sam replied slowly, "but what are we going to wear when we're making the tent?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
Sam looked back at the pool to try and hide her grin. "Yes sir." Pausing for a minute, she glanced back at her CO and nervously began to twist the corner of her sheet between her fingers. "By the way, I'd like to apologise for the attitude I gave you earlier." she gave the Colonel her best repentant look. "I was out of line speaking the way I did and I..."  
  
"Never mind, Carter," Jack replied quickly. "This is an unusual situation to say the least and we're both feeling a little..." frustrated..."tense."  
  
Sam nodded, but still felt the need to continue. "Nevertheless, you *are* my superior officer and I was being insubordinate. I completely understand if you want to reprimand me or...whatever."  
  
Jack blinked. Right now he could think of about five hundred different things he wanted to do to her, but reprimanding her didn't even make the list. However, one of the countless problems with wearing nothing but a sheet was that it made it incredibly difficult to hide the direction in which his thoughts were heading, so instead he just held his hand up to silence her and replied with a curt, "apology accepted, major."  
  
Sam sighed and nodded. "Thank you sir."  
  
They stood in complete silence for a moment, both trying to concentrate on figuring out a solution to their problem, but both all to aware of the almost naked person standing close by.  
  
After five minutes of trying not to stare too obviously at the Majors chest (the shadow of which he had recently discovered was rather noticeable through the purple material) Jack growled in frustration and started to pace around the room, desperately feeling the walls for any sign of secret passageway or hidden compartment - anything that would help get him the hell outta Dodge.  
  
"It's no good, sir," Sam said with a sigh. "There's only two ways we can do this. Either we trust the other to turn their back, or..."  
  
"Or!" Jack interjected, his voice betraying the panic rushing through his system, "I like the sound of or."  
  
Sam shook her head. "I don't think you'll like this 'or' sir," she replied with a nervous laugh. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she finished her sentence and waited for the world to end.  
  
"Or, we'll have to bathe together."  
  
As the words penetrated through his skull and into his brain, Jack could have sworn he felt the world tip and he steadied himself against the nearest wall for support.  
  
"Told you you wouldn't like it," Sam muttered as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, "but I can't see another way around our situation."  
  
Jack was no longer listening. Images of sharing a candlelit, scented bath with the woman he had dreamed about for the last five years assaulted his senses and, despite the scant covering of the sheet, his body began to react in the most obvious way possible. Quickly, he turned his back to her and tried to hide his burgeoning arousal, but it was too late. Sam had seen everything.  
  
And was quite impressed with the view.  
  
With a raised eyebrow and an unsteady heart, Sam walked over to the pool and crouched down at the edge. "I guess we don't *have* to take a bath," she said quietly," after all it's not as if they have hidden cameras in here." She turned back and regarded the Colonel who had suddenly found a section of wall incredibly interesting. "We could just splash ourselves a little and tell them...Oh!"  
  
There was a loud splash and Jack turned in time to see the Major coming up for air. She spluttered for a few seconds, running her hands over her face in an attempt to get her hair out of her eyes. "I fell in," she said unnecessarily.  
  
"Yeah, I got that," Jack replied, desperately hoping that she would have the common sense to keep her shoulders below the water. "So, no need to pretend then."  
  
Sam snorted, "apparently not." She began to rise up slightly, her shoulders appearing above the water and Jack panicked. "Don't move!" he yelled suddenly and Sam looked around frantically. "What?"  
  
You're sheet..." The Colonel managed to blurt out before his ability to speak disappeared altogether and all he was left with was the need to point shakily at the purple material floating on top of the water, away from the Majors naked body.  
  
Sam had never moved so fast in her life. Before he could blink she had re-submerged herself beneath the water until she was covered up to her chin. "Oh, God," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes in humiliation. "Ohgodohgodohgod."  
  
Had the situation not been as dire as it was right at that moment, Jack would almost certainly have found something to laugh about. But, at that given moment all either of them could think about was what in the hell they were supposed to do next.  
  
Okay, so it wasn't *all* they were thinking about, but it was the most important.  
  
Sam floated towards the edge of the pool and pressed herself right up against the side, treading water as her brain went into overdrive. "Can you grab my sheet, sir?" she asked after a moment.  
  
Still stunned into silence, Jack nodded and made his way over to the edge of the pool, leaning over as far as possible to try and reach the purple material.   
  
Just as he had hooked a finger over it and was pulling it towards the edge, he felt a sudden shove against his spine and he too went tumbling head first into the water.  
  
As he surfaced he had the foresight to check his sheet was still tied securely around his waist before making any sudden movements.   
  
The sheet was gone.  
  
In fact, the sheet was nowhere in the vicinity of either the Colonel or the Major and, confused, Jack looked around.  
  
Shock, quickly followed by frustration marred his face as he noticed the makeshift toga was no floating, apparently by itself, out of the doorway and into the adjoining chamber.  
  
"Carter...?" he began uncertainly, but Sam had seen the anomaly already and was watching with unconcealed curiosity.  
  
"How in the hell...?" she muttered as the she purple sheet disappeared from view.  
  
Neither moved for a couple of minutes, both completely sidetracked by the strange goings-on. Finally, Jack came to his senses and had a horrifying epiphany.  
  
"Uh, we're naked." he blurted out as he covered his genitals with his hands whilst trying not to drown.  
  
Sam pressed herself even closer to the side of the bath. "Yessir. We are."   
  
Jack nodded and looked about him again. "So what do we do now?"   
  
"I have absolutely no idea, sir," she replied with a shake of her head. "I'm still caught up in the fact that your sheet just flew out of the room."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And mine's too wet to be of any use."  
  
"Right."  
  
Sam thought for a moment. "They said they were usually non-corporeal, didn't they?"   
  
Jack blinked a few times. "Yeah...and?"  
  
"And," Sam continued, her brain working away as she spoke, "it seems to me that the only way that sheet could have floated away like that was if someone was carrying it."  
  
The Colonel finally caught up. "So you're saying one of these...people...stole my sheet?"  
  
Sam thought for a moment. "Yeah, pretty much."  
  
"Well why would they do that?" he asked, his voice rising a few octaves.  
  
Sometimes Sam hated being the brains of the operation. "Because they want us to mate sir."  
  
A funny little squeaking sound emitted from Jacks throat. It sounded a little like "They do?" and Sam felt compelled to take it as such.  
  
"Well Calies seemed pretty insistent, sir," she replied, desperately trying to keep some modicum of military protocol in the proceedings.   
  
"Right," Jack nodded. "So what do we do now?"  
  
Sam sighed. "I have no idea, but whatever we decide I have the distinct feeling that they're going to know. After all, just because we can't see them, doesn't mean they can't see us."  
  
"And they obviously want us to...mate," Jack agreed, "otherwise why would they have taken my sheet and thrown us in the pool?"  
  
Sam closed her eyes and leant her chin against the edge, silently praying for some miracle that would get them out of this.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Growling in frustration, Sam turned to face the Colonel, making sure that her shoulders remained below water level, her eyes defiantly daring him to look down. "I guess we'll have to give them a show then," she said huskily and took a determined step forward.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	19. Obligatory Sex Scene

A/N: For The Female Apophis who's been reviewing since I began writing.   
  
Disclaimer: I'm thinking of petitioning for timeshare…  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 19: Obligatory Sex Scene  
  
"Uh, Carter?" Jack murmured shakily as the major circled her stunned CO and pressed her naked body firmly up against his back, "what'ya doing?"  
  
"I'm giving them what they want sir," she replied quietly as she slipped her arms around his waist and began caressing his stomach. "The chances are they're watching right now and I think I have a way to get us out of this."  
  
"Oh!" Jack squeaked as he felt her fingernails scratch lightly across his nipples. He cleared his throat. "And do you plan on telling *me* any time soon?"  
  
He shivered involuntarily as her mouth began sucking gently on his neck. Oh, he could *so* feel her breasts pressing against his back. This was doing nothing for his self control.  
  
But wonders for his...ego...  
  
"Sorry, Sir," Sam replied between attacks on his earlobe, "there's no time. Just go with me on this. Please."  
  
Numbly, Jack nodded his assent and closed his eyes in surrender as her tongue did marvellously indescribably things to his collar bone.  
  
"When they come back you have to just agree with everything I say," she continued, "remember they can read our thoughts, so try not to even think differently. Agree with me in your thoughts as well."  
  
Confused, but trusting, Jack nodded again. "I'll give it a go," he hissed back.  
  
After five minutes of allowing his Major free access to his upper torso, Jack had to put a stop to the proceedings as Sam's light touch began to travel south.  
  
Placing his shaking hands over hers, he stalled her movements and turned his head slightly to speak; his tone soft and nervous. "You, uh...want me to do anything?" he asked awkwardly, cursing inwardly as he realised how much he sounded like a teenager having his first sexual experience.  
  
He could feel Sam's still damp hair brush lightly across his upper back as she shook her head. "No sir," she muttered back, her voice betraying only a slight shakiness, "to be honest, this is embarrassing enough. At least your upper body isn't...that is to say, I don't want you to see..."  
  
Oh, God. She was talking about..."I get it!" Jack squeaked rather too loudly. "You should just carry on doing what you're..." More inward cursing. Did he really just say that?  
  
"Right," Sam nodded and began to kiss his neck again, this time with more determination that lust. Still, it had exactly the same effect on Jack and when she began to lightly trace random patterns over his abdomen with her fingertips, Jack had to force himself to keep his hands at his sides. It would be so easy, after all, to simply reach behind him a little and grab a handful of that tight little butt he had coveted for so long. But, No. As much as he wanted nothing more than to spin around and kiss the hell out of her, he had to try and remain professional.  
  
Which was no easy task, but he had to admit that the moment when she started to giggle into his spine made the whole thing a little less erotic. "Carter...?" he questioned after a moment.  
  
"Sorry, sir," she whispered between nervous snorts of laughter. "It's just that when I think about...I mean, this isn't exactly how I imagined..." She silenced herself suddenly, her brows creasing in frustration as she realised what she had just let slip.  
  
So she'd imagined this, huh? One huge ego boost later and Jack had to struggle to find his voice. "I understand," he said kindly. And then as if he felt the need to share one secret for another, he added, "this wasn't on the top of my Carter-fantasy list either."  
  
He grinned as he felt Carter smile into his back and sucked in a sharp breath as she rewarded his honesty with a *very* nice flick of her tongue just...*there*.  
  
Thirty minutes passed in a hazy blur of lips and fingers and tongue and nails, until finally Jack could take no more. "Is it working?" he hissed unsteadily as Sam ran her fingers through his hair. "Only I don't think I can take a lot more of this...oh!"  
  
That was it. He'd had enough. Twisting free from her grasp and unmindful of the potential sight before him, he turned to face a very flushed Major Carter. Luckily for both of them she had managed to duck her shoulders below the water once again before he got a view of anything below her neck. "You gotta stop," he said unsteadily. They stared at each other for a seemingly eternal moment, both loosing the internal struggle for control. But just as Jack's mind waved it's little white flag and his arms seemed to reach out of their own accord for the woman before him, Josaf and Calies entered the chamber carrying what looked to be their new attire.  
  
Jack and Sam jumped apart as if they had been burned, the fact that Josaf had taken on the form of Senator Kinsey really not helping matters, and they floated to the edge of the pool.  
  
"We have been observing your mating ritual," Josaf announced without shame.  
  
Jack raised his eyebrow in disapproval, but Sam simply nodded.   
  
"It is strange," Calies continued as she placed the clothing on the floor before her, "I was led to believe that the human mating ritual was not a long-term activity. We were expecting you to have completed your union by this time."  
  
Jack cleared his throat awkwardly, but stayed silent, allowing Carter to take the lead.   
  
"It is normal practice that human procreation be complete within the maximum of thirty to forty minutes," she began, sounding like a schoolteacher, "but there are certain...procedures we can adhere to that can increase both the pleasure and the time span."  
  
Josaf shook his head in confusion, whilst Jack tried to keep his head clear of thoughts.   
  
Not as easy as it sounded.  
  
"It's true." Sam continued. "The method the Colonel and I were using is called Tantric Sex. It combines the use of both physical and mental restraint to prolong both the time and pleasure of human mating." Pausing, she glanced at her CO. "Without interruption we could have continued for many hours. Perhaps even days."  
  
The heated look Sam afforded the Colonel at that moment was more than enough to make him convinced of the need to study up on Tantric sex as soon as they were back on earth.  
  
Josaf and Calies seemed just as impressed. "You must tell us more at dinner," Josaf said excitedly. "But for now we are running late. These," he said indicating to the clothes on the floor, "are for you to wear. When you are dressed follow the doorways back to the entrance to the baths, where Calies shall be waiting to take you to the main hall."  
  
He smiled warmly (as warm as a Kinsey smile could be) at the pair. "When you are nourished we shall lead you back to your Stargate. I wish to thank you now for sharing yourselves with us and I look forward to meeting with you again. Perhaps our worlds may even become friends."  
  
Sam nodded politely, just grateful to be given something to wear, but Jack was not finished. "You're not eating with us?" he asked.  
  
Josaf shook his head. "I have an appointment with one of my partners," he said with a conspiratorial smile. "Perhaps you would recognise her as the Goa'uld, Hathor?"  
  
Jack's surprise quickly morphed into a grin. "Nice choice!" he exclaimed happily and was rewarded with an elbow in the ribs.  
  
He was at least sensible enough give Carter a vaguely apologetic smile before turning back to their hosts.  
  
"Well, Josaf," Jack said as he leaned up slightly to offer his hand, "it's been...interesting."  
  
Josaf paused for a moment, looking confusedly at the proffered limb before grasping it in his own and shaking hands vigorously. "I hope to see you again soon." he said before bowing slightly at Carter and heading out of the chamber.  
  
"And now if you will redress, I will take you to the main hall." Calies smiled as she offered her own hands in assistance.  
  
"Uh, Calies," Sam began tenuously, "it is an Earth custom that neither party should be allowed to view each other without clothing after mating."  
  
Jack stared in surprise for around a millisecond before purposefully clearing his mind and nodding in agreement.  
  
"Very well," the alien replied genially and walked over to the wall. Muttering a few nonsensical words, she pressed a previously hidden panel which opened immediately. Reaching inside the dark closet, she pulled out a curtain which seemed to suspend by itself from the ceiling.   
  
"This should offer the required privacy," she said as she placed one set of clothing either side of the purple curtain. "This is retained solely for the use of those who use the pool with others, but do not wish to mate.  
  
Both officers stared at each other for a moment and Jack closed his eyes in frustration. "Right," she murmured. "Of course."  
  
Calies remained only long enough to make sure they were both safely out of the water before retreating out the door.   
  
Both still suffering from the intensity of the past hour, it took a shaken Jack and Sam more than just a few minutes to get dressed.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Footnote: Okay, people, only one chapter to go. The epilogue is next so I figure now is a good time to explain my reasoning behind both the title and the story itself.  
  
Right, ever since I started writing fanfiction, I've had reviews from readers who liked my stories, but wanted more kiss-age. My personal rule that I write by is that I won't have them kiss in my stories until they do on the show, but it's getting more and more difficult to keep this up.   
  
So, I decided to write a story where they do eventually kiss, but there's a lot of frustration and procrastinating until it happens.  
  
I didn't really call it Procrastination because of the storyline (and I use that term loosely) but more because of the writing style. You guys have had to endure almosts, nearlys and not quites for nineteen chapters now and they still haven't done the deed!  
  
...at least not on the lips....  
  
So, look out for the final chapter and, if I'm feeling generous, they may just kiss!  
  
Newromantic 


	20. Epilogue

A/N: Well, what can I say? This is finally it. The last chapter (cue drumroll). Sincerest apologies for the delay, but life has a habit of demanding my attention. My biggest thanks go to Dena for giving me honest, yet constructive comments right from the start. I'll have a beer waiting at the airport for you!  
  
This one's for Sharim.  
  
Disclaimer: Insert humorous yet disclaimer-like comment here. Use your imagination.  
  
Procrastination  
  
Chapter 20: Epilogue  
  
So it was over, Jack mused as he sat in the briefing room, silently half-listening to Major Carter recount the slightly edited version of their somewhat extended visit to P...whatever.  
  
The funny thing was that despite their being practically kidnapped by the Koleians and forced against their will to stay on an alien world, Jack wasn't exactly feeling overly thrilled at being home.  
  
Not to say that he had wanted to stay on Kolei, and it was definitely a good thing to see Daniel alive and well - if somewhat confused by the events of the past few days, but there had been some major perks to being stranded off world with Major Carter - a blatant disregard for frat regulations being top of his mental list.  
  
He watched her now as she sat rigid in her chair, mechanically answering General Hammond's questions. Her demeanour was once of sheer professionalism, but Jack knew that if he could look directly into her eyes right at this moment he would see the truth. After all, after five years of working side-by-side with the Major, he could read her like a card sharp could read opponent's Poker tells.  
  
He also knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if she was feeling even a tiny bit of what he was feeling right now, then her emotions were on the roller coaster ride of their life.  
  
In the end Josaf had kept to his word. After drying off and dressing accordingly in his-and-hers hand made purple tunics, Jack and Sam had been led into the great hall and dined on a veritable feast of forest vegetation and some slightly furry tasting meat that looked suspiciously like the creatures Daniel had run from only twenty-four hours earlier.  
  
As they walked into the dining area the humans had been greeted by the indescribable sight of over one hundred familiar faces staring right back at them and Jack had found it a little off-putting to try and eat questionable meat out of sheer politeness when seated between Harry Maybourne and the Nox, Lya, who's leaf-covered hair scratched his arm irritatingly whenever she turned her head.  
  
Carter, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of her life, Jack mused with a scowl, which he quickly turned neutral as Hammond glanced questioningly in his direction. Oh yeah, she'd been enjoying herself all right. In their infinite wisdom, Calies had placed her for the entire meal between Martouf and that Major from engineering that all the women at the SGC seemed to have a crush on.  
  
Carter was now pointing out to Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel in her own multi-syllabic way, that the conversation at the meal had been friendly, the inhabitants of the planet seeming not to even realise that their 'guests' were not used to being stranded on a planet, knocked unconscious, then 'encouraged' to demonstrate human propagation. As such, both officers had decided it to be within the interests of future planetary relations not to inform the Koleians of their social faux pas and instead leave that delicate task up to the more qualified members of SG-15.  
  
After the meal their fatigues, weapons and backpacks had been returned to them without any qualms and they had be led, almost ceremoniously, back to the now visible Stargate which was once again placed in the centre of a sand dune.   
  
"What I don't understand is why they insisted on detaining you and Colonel O'Neill, but allowed Doctor Jackson to return home," General Hammond asked, perplexed.  
  
Jack watched with some measure of amusement as Carter's cheeks coloured slightly and she bowed her head to avoid eye contact. Feeling more than a little guilty that he had left the entire meeting in her hands, he decided to save her from potential embarrassment and field that question himself. Thinking fast, he finally came up with the perfect answer.   
  
"They wanted to see us...procreate, sir," was the reply that had Hammond's eyes bulging out of their sockets, Daniel's mouth hitting the desk and Carter wishing for a well timed black hole to swallow the SGC.  
  
Of course, Teal'c still looked cool and collected. "Why would they wish to observe Tau'ri mating rituals?" he asked without even a smirk.  
  
Jack shrugged nonchalantly. "Because they don't get many visitors, I guess, and they don't need to have...relationships...to reproduce, they just...do it."  
  
"Do it?" Daniel piped up, his interest suddenly piqued.  
  
"They're made mostly of light, Daniel," Sam explained, relieved that she could hide behind science once more. "They're also essentially asexual and although they can take on the form of humans, they rarely actually feel the need." She took a steadying breath. This explanation was a potential minefield and she had the sudden overwhelming urge to kill her commanding officer.  
  
"They took on the physical form of people we knew, but it's not as if they could access that person's mind. They had questions, sir," she said, addressing the General. "They were curious."  
  
"About sex?" Sam nodded.  
  
Hammond rubbed a weary hand across his face. "But why that subject in particular?" he asked with a frown. "Why not about Earth culture, or history? And why you and Colonel O'Neill? Why not you and Doctor Jackson?"  
  
Jack shrugged again. "You got me, General. I guess they were just pervy little guys who liked the look of us."  
  
It was Carter's subtle scowl that shut him up. It was bad enough that they were coming dangerously close to revealing the whole story of their impromptu vacation, but did he have to make jokes about it?  
  
"That's a question I can't answer, sir." Sam murmured. "I'm pretty certain it was just innocent curiosity. They obviously don't have the same stigmas and reservations surrounding procreation that humans do."  
  
Hammond nodded sharply. "Well we'll let SG-15 return there in a month or so for follow-up talks with their leaders. In the meantime, I want reports on my desk ASAP, then you're all due for some downtime. Dismissed."   
  
The four members of SG-1 rose from their seats and began to gather up their paperwork. Daniel made it out of the room first, followed closely by Teal'c who headed for the commissary, mentioning something about having had cravings for ice cream and French fries since he had been away. Jack turned to leave whilst Sam was still sorting her papers into a neat little pile, but Hammond stopped him. "I'd like a word with you both before you leave," he said gravely and Jack stopped dead in his tracks, turning slowly to face the General.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Sit down for a moment Jack," Hammond said politely before dismissing the guards and closing the door behind them. Jack took the opportunity to glance at Sam's face. She had gone a sickly shade of white and was nervously stacking and re-stacking her papers, her eyes intently staring at the pile before her.  
  
Hammond took his seat once more and folded his hands in front of him. "I know this will be a difficult question for you both to answer considering the situation you were put under on Kolei, but I'm afraid I have to know the full story before submitting my report to the Pentagon." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I need to know exactly what happened when you were asked to demonstrate human mating rituals."  
  
Sam's shaking hands dropped the pile of paperwork on her desk and cursed silently, whilst Jack just froze for a moment.  
  
"I understand that in order to maintain relations with these people you must have answered their questions in one way or another, but my concern is that, considering your history, you may have both been tempted to take the opportunity to...explore your personal relationship beyond the realm of attraction."  
  
Jack nodded thoughtfully. "I can't in all honesty say it wasn't a temptation, sir," he replied slowly, "but both Carter and I have maintained a professional relationship since the incident with the Zatarc detectors and, despite their interest in our personal feelings, we both managed to avoid incidents of that nature with the Kolieans as well."   
  
Hammond nodded, apparently satisfied with the answer. "Well then, there will be no need to mention any of this in my report and I think the President will be very pleased we have made another ally."   
  
Both Jack and Sam rose respectfully as Hammond left the room, then they turned to face each other.  
  
"Thank you, sir," Sam muttered as she once again gathered up her belongings.  
  
"What for?"  
  
Sam simply smiled in response and moved towards the door. "Carter?" Jack called out as she stepped into the hall. She paused and turned to face him. "Sir?"  
  
He walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder, murmuring quietly in case anyone came by. "Do you think we'll ever be able to pick this up again? I mean when this is over."  
  
Sam smiled gently and glanced at the security camera, watching as it slowly moved away from the pair to focus on another part of the hallway. As soon they were out of it's range of vision she reached up and kissed Jack softly on the lips, her eyes closing automatically and her senses coming alive.  
  
"What was that for?" Jack asked shakily as they parted once more.  
  
Sam grinned again. "Consider it a deposit, sir," she replied cheekily. "A down-payment on a certified future."  
  
She turned on her heel and began to walk away, glancing over her shoulder at Jack as she moved. "You do realise," she said loudly, recklessly, not caring if anyone heard as she continued down the corridor, "that a down-payment means you're my property now, don't you?"  
  
She winked brazenly then turned the corner, leaving an astounded Air Force Colonel staring after her.   
  
Jack stayed that way for a few minutes before wandering off in the other direction, whistling happily as he walked.  
  
The end.  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
Footnote: I want to thank all of you guys for reading this piece of nonsense, and for being so cool as to actually want to read more (of course, the death threats weren't *entirely* necessary...).  
  
I'm glad it's over so I can concentrate on new Stargate projects (not to mention my new passion for CSI...), but I won't deny it's been one hell of a ride! 


End file.
